I spent a day just dealing with things a few days ago. God really got ahold of my heart and showed me that I need to change. Since that time, I've been seeking Him first... or trying to. I've actually come upon a shocking truth: I'm just like the Israelites!
As Moses was leading the Israelites out of the land of Egypt, God provided again and again and again. Yet the Israelites worried at every opportunity.
So did I apparently...
I was in a terrible situation, and I was terrified. God gave me the wisdom to reach out to a family in church, and they supplied a ride to the airport. I didn't have money for a plane ride, and neither did they. I thought I might be stuck in a horrible situation, but my parents knew of the situation and helped me get to safety by buying a plane ticket. After visiting my sister, I was actually flying back to state A, but the flights were full and I was stranded in state B and spent the day with my mom. I was dreading going back to state A, so I decided to hang out with my mom for a few days. A few days turned into more than a week, and as I was enjoying time with my mom, I started looking at the laws for a divorce. God plopped me in the absolute best state for my situation. The laws in state A and state B dovetail perfectly to keep my daughter safe. But then I needed to wait 6 months and I needed a lawyer.
I worried about both things, sometimes unable to sleep until God finally led me to the lawyer I have now. But then I needed $2,500, and I had barely any money. Wow. Ok. Now what? Seriously? How am I ever going to pay for this??? I tried hard to give it to God, but it just seemed so overwhelming. That's about when my sister stepped in and loaned me much of the money. I still need maybe $600 more dollars. You know the terrible thing? I felt like God was providing for maybe a few minutes, and then I was back to worrying! I was worrying about buying diapers and wipes and paying the lawyer and all this other nonsense. I've come to the conclusion that I really hate money. Anyway... I was worrying about the diapers and wipes, but God provided a great deal on disposable diapers that I'll get next week. I just got a 500 ct wipe refill pack for $.69, and I have a friend who will sell me cloth diapers for a really good deal whenever I do have the money. So all that's going well, right? And then I find myself worrying AGAIN! I have decided that I am going to make one long list of everything that I need. I'm going to get the things I need, and trust that God will provide as I read Him the entire list.
Why is it so hard to trust God? I can tell story after story of Him taking care of me in absolutely miraculous ways! I know God is real, because He's worked miracles in my life. So, knowing that my God is a powerful God who has worked for me in the past, and is working for me in the present, why in the world to I worry about Him not providing in the future?
God is good. I am so blessed to know Him. He is my Father, and I am so glad that if I ask for a fish, He will not give me a serpent, or a stone instead of a loaf of bread. My future is in His hands. I sure hope I can keep my grubby worrisome fingers off of it! Only by God's grace. It amazes me that I need His help to properly serve Him. "It is He that worketh in you both to will and to do of His good pleasure." Only by God's grace.