Thursday, February 28, 2013

Advice please!

My baby girl is finally getting to sleep much closer to an acceptable time. Instead of 3:30 am, she's nodding off at 9:30 pm. I'd like it to get earlier yet, but this is sooo much better!

Now that we have that taken care of, I'd like to crib train her, but she is not taking to it well at all. When we left state A, I was living with people, and there was no crib or place for her to sleep other than beside me. Besides, she missed her dad and needed the extra comfort. Now, she's used to nursing until she falls asleep beside me. It's really sweet, and I enjoy it, but if I move her to the crib my mom bought for her, she wakes up instantly. I'm afraid we're going to go back to a later bed time if this keeps up.

Those of you who are on that one facebook page, perhaps you could ask the group for me? You can just copy and paste the above paragraph. I don't normally get a lot of responses on my blog. Thanks in advance!

I've tried changing our bed time routine, but she insists on nursing until she falls asleep. And then when I move her... you get the idea. I'm keeping this one short to give you extra time to ponder and respond. Any helpful suggestions are welcome! Thank you!!!

Reason for the anonymity

You know how in movies when the cops arrest someone they always say, "You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law." Ok. They may say this in real life to, but I honestly have no idea. My point is that even if you're innocent, you're recommended to stay silent, because anything you say will be used against you.

Just in case my husband decides to take me to court, I do not want him to know about this blog. "Anything you say can and will be used against you..." I don't know how my words could be twisted around, but I'm certain they could. That is why if you know who I am or you figure out my identity, I ask you to keep it quiet.

Beyond that, the circumstances I find myself in are just somewhat embarrassing. I'd prefer to not spread it all over if I can help it. Will I remain anonymous forever? I don't know. For now, it is needed, so that's what I'm doing. I'll carefully consider steps in the future as they come along.

On a completely different note, a friend read my blog yesterday and sent me the link to the 100 day action plan. Just in case you were excited to join me, here it is: It's one of the links listed on the top. Just don't look for it on your cell phone. ;)

Wednesday, February 27, 2013


I read The Successful Single Mom. It's off on some important things, but it did help me a lot. When I started reading the book, I felt defeated, overwhelmed, and like I was a personal failure. This book has helped me shed the weight of the past and set some lofty goals for the future. The author challenges her readers to successfully complete a 100 day action plan. Most of the book leads up to that action plan, and then she directs you to a website that no longer exists. So, no 100 day action plan. Not hers, anyway!

I loved her idea of the 100 day action plan, but I'm just going to have to make my own. I've decided to focus on the three areas of my life that I would like to see the greatest change: my time with God, my health, and my job of tutoring. I haven't decided exactly how to go about it, but it should be a very beneficial run!

The time with God is easy. Read the Bible and pray every day, and socialize with fellow Believers. I would also like to write some prayers out. It is something I have done in the past that has really helped my healing. If I have time, I might consider reading some uplifting Christian works. We shall see...

For my health, I need to revamp my system. I need to consume more calories, exercise at least 3 times each week, and consume the nasty tasting Gatorade stuff at least twice each month. Oh, and I need to drink more water.

I'm excited about pursuing the tutoring. I have ordered business cards from Vistaprint, I've typed up something to put on community bulletin boards, and I plan to canvass schools and churches.

It will take me a few weeks to set up the action plan, but I will let you know when I have it figured out. If you have any ideas to help me acheive my goals, please share!

Monday, February 25, 2013

Salute to mothers

You may have seen this... it's actually an ad, but it brings tears to my eyes, so I had to share. Enjoy!

Watch it here!

Mothers are incredile, doing so much! I am just beginning on this journey of motherhood, my daughter not yet even 6 months old. There is so much yet in the future. So much work to be done and joy to experience.

I would love it if my maternal readers would send me tips about making my work as a single mom a little easier throughout the years ahead. I appreciate all advice, really, no matter who it's coming from.

A bold new life ahead!

I found a mobile home community where each mobile home sits on a half acre. It is a community of families and a safe place to raise my child. They have an adult pool, a kiddie pool, a tennis court, basketball court, community garage sales, and so much more! It's 2 miles from a mall, and all of this is nestled inside a quaint little town, but it's 30 minutes from a big city. Doesn't that sound perfect? Just wait... it gets better!

My husband will have to pay child support and alimony that will just barely cover the mobile home. All the other expenses will be mine, including utilities, car stuff, groceries, etc. After 8 years, I will own the mobile home and only have to pay the lot rent, which is currently set at $336/month. Well, I'll have all my other expenses, of course.

It all seems doable assuming I can find enough children to tutor. I also intend to do a bunch of little things to earn money. I'm thinking my gift requests for those 8 years will be a gas card so that I can go to the city.

The best part is that I've already found 2 churches close to the community that I would like to check out. I'm having a hard time finding one near me here. Well, I found one downtown, but it's a 40 minute drive, and that's eating up my lawyer money. And just think, there are two that I want to look at there!

I can't wait to go visit! It's exciting, and I really cannot wait to go and start this bold new life! My daughter and I in a quaint little town living in safety! Did I mention that I can't wait?  :)

Sunday, February 24, 2013

Leaving a bad relationship pt. 2

It took things getting really, really bad for me to realize that I was indeed in an abusive relationship. And at that point, I messaged a group anonymously asking for advice about his problems of sexual predatoring. I spoke nothing of the abuse that was going on. It's hard to admit that you're being hurt, because you feel that you must be a part of the reason. You feel that admitting to the abuse means that you are worthy of the abuse. I'm still having a hard time understanding everything.

If you are in an abusive relationship, you must tell someone. The first person I told everything was my sister. I'll remember her words forever: "You know you can tell me anything, right?" Think of someone you used to feel super close to. Chances are, they still feel like you can tell them everything. If you can't think of someone, then call an abuse hotline and tell them everything. They are there to listen and help, so don't worry. They've heard this before. It's a safe place to call. The national domestic abuse hotline can be reached at 1−800−799−SAFE(7233).

This person should be able to help you. Your circumstance may mean that you need to leave immediately, but you may just need some time apart while your abusive partner seeks counseling. Do not feel like this is all your fault. Anything he gets is not your fault, but his own. His actions led to these consequences.

Before you tell him what is going on, have an escape plan set up. Know your facts! When I told him I was leaving, he spouted off things that would stop me. He said my daughter and I would lose insurance. I will lose insurance, but my daughter will not. He said no one would support me leaving. I told him that people from the Facebook group had already told me to leave. He told me that I didn't have money to leave, but I already had an escape plan. My parents were willing to pay for a plane ticket and I had friends who could pick me up from the house. He told me that I wouldn't get custody of my daughter. I hadn't researched this at the time, but my lawyer assures me that this is a tactic abusive people use. I just told him at the time that if I convince the court that he can't be a parent, and he convinces the court that I can't be a parent, then our daughter would go into the system. When I told my family that, they assured me that they would adopt my daughter and take me in so that I could still be her mom. You have more people willing to support you than you know. It is time to live a life apart from fear. Please email me if you need someone to talk to!

Leaving a bad relationship pt. 1

Yesterday, I posted about the beauties of a godly relationship. That is the sort of relationship I wanted. That is the light I wanted to share with the world. I attempted to make up for my husband's abuse by being more submissive, but that only caused more control.

If you're in an abusive relationship, you're probably already making excuses on why yours isn't an abusive relationship. That's because you believe the lies. When I went to the hospital for what we thought was a broken bone, I was told it wasn't abuse, because he thought he could kick the door closed before my hand was in the dryer. I believed him. He went on to say that if I told the hospital the truth, he'd go to jail, and I didn't want him to go to jail, right? I still loved him, didn't I? So, I lied. Not only to the hospital, but to everyone. An abusive relationship is filled with lies, and the victim often becomes a part of them. By the way, a bruised bone hurts more than you can imagine-- especially when it's from someone you love.

If you're in an abusive relationship, you probably fear your spouse at times. Fear does not belong in a healthy relationship. If you are afraid of your husband when he is angry, then you need to seek counseling.

If you're in an abusive relationship, you can probably see cycles of behavior. My husband would go from abusive to apologetic to controling to abusive to apologetic, etc. Right now he is in his super sweet apologetic stage. It is so tempting to go back to him, but I must remind myself that this is a dangerous cycle. He thinks words can patch things up, but he needs counseling. Words are too easily said and dismissed.

If you're in an abusive relationship, you probably love your abuser. This is the reason that leaving is so hard. I loved, and still love my husband. I was determined that I could change him. It wasn't until my daughter was born that I realized just how bad things were. I wouldn't let his cycle hurt her. If you are in an abusive relationship, you need to realize that things are bad. I recommend that you first tell someone what is going on. Even just a small part of it.

Saturday, February 23, 2013

A picture of Christ and the Church

Marriage is wonderful. It is one of those things that little girls dream of and men prepare for their whole lives. It is intended to signify Christ and the church. Christ, the loving leader, guides the church and the church looks to Christ for direction and wisdom. Christ leads the church with grace, kindly chastening the church for mistakes, and lovingly demonstrating the love He has for the church, as broken as it may be.

When a man abuses his power, he destroys the beautiful imagery God intends. The same goes for a woman. Either the husband or the wife can take their position and use it to demonstrate the power and authority they feel they deserve. A godly marriage will be both members denying themselves, not lifting themselves up.

If you have a good husband or a good wife, I encourage you to do everything you can to foster a Christ-likeness in your home. Reverence the husband; cherish the wife. Do what you can to ensure that your marriage is a living testimony of Christ and the church.

Do not take your husband or wife for granted. I wish I had thought to write this on Valentine's Day, but then, on reflection, a marriage relationship should be fostered every day of the year. If you didn't take extra effort to show your spouse how much you care, you could consider doing so today.

Leaving a relationship of abuse and fear has caused me to realize how very wrong things were, and how much different a good relationship could be. Is your relationship all it could be? Just some food for thought. :)

Friday, February 22, 2013

Angels among us

Growing up, I listened to Alabama. They have a song that I felt was played out today. "I believe there are angels among us..."

Last night, I dreamed about the good times I had with my husband. The times that I still miss and make me sad to have to go. I dreamed that he was laughing with me and stroking my hair, and as I reached over, my hand hit the bed. Reality was a nightmare to wake up to. It set a dark mood for the whole day. My current situation was set in direct contrast to the best times of my marriage. I wore the pain like a cloak.

My daughter was still asleep, so I made my way to the kitchen. If I didn't eat then I may not get another chance. The fridge and the cupboards were filled with undesired options. Against my better judgement, I curled up on the couch, allowing the sadness to overtake me. In that moment, my phone rang. A dear friend called and offered just the encouragement I needed.

She and I hadn't spoken since I had called her early in January, shortly after I discovered the scary truths of my husband. I told her about God leading me to state B and the incredible laws that worked so perfectly to ensure my daughter's safety. I told her about the lawyer, and about my plans to move out on my own. In talking with her, I was able to look past the pain to tell her all the blessings. She even gave me amazing ideas for finding students to tutor.

We hung up with me focusing on God and the future rather than the past and its pain. So many people have been just the people I needed at that moment, and I am beginning to wonder if I'm not surrounded by angels.

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Farewell wedding ring?

I know my wedding ring is simple, but I really do like it. I have been trying to figure out what to do with it now that the man I married turned out to be who he is. I've thought about wearing it on my right hand, wearing it on a chain, or keeping it in a box to show my daughter as she gets older. I actually dreamed of showing my daughter my wedding ring, my bridal gown, and every part of my wedding. Some things just aren't meant to be. I have finally reached a decision about the ring, though it is one that saddens me. I have decided to sell my wedding ring to pay the lawyer, thereby ensuring my daughter's safety.

I do wish there were another way to pay the lawyer, but I have not yet found a job and the clock is ticking. I must remember that my daughter's safety is more important than the sentimental memories I looked forward to creating.

Please pray that I will find someone who will buy my ring for at least $1,000. If you have any ideas as far as who would buy it, please let me know. As always, I do so appreciate and need your prayers.

If there is another way for me to afford the lawyer, please pray that God will reveal it soon.

Happy Wednesday

Hello all!

Thank you for your patience as you waited for me to continue writing as promised. Today has been insane! But, my daughter is napping, so I thought I'd jump on and give an update before I continue. I was actually out of town for a few days, and returned to find several packages waiting for me. If you sent a package I have two words for you: THANK YOU!!!

One of the packages was a little x-box box that was stuffed with more clothes than I thought possible! My little girl will be well-taken care of! There was another package that had a book of really great encouragement as well as two pairs of pants. And someone was thoughtful enough to send an envelope of coupons as well. It is so incredible to see that God is providing for every little detail that we need. My precious baby has so many clothes now, and I am so very grateful. :) Thank you to those who have helped!

I hope all of you have read up on my latest happy news about the incredible lawyer God has blessed me with! Please continue to pray that God will provide the money soon. There is a reason for time-sensitivity, but I am choosing to keep it quiet. Please pray that the funds come in... soon!

I have tons to do, and today has been not so great, so I'm going to keep this short and get to work. Thank you all for your prayers! Each prayer is a blessing! I cannot imagine how many blessings I am receiving. :)

Saturday, February 16, 2013

Until Wednesday

I have posted big news starting with this page: I have had a big thing happen, and I want all my readers to be able to catch up. I'm afraid it will get lost in the bunch, so I'm breaking now, and letting people read from Tuesday the 12th. Wednesday, I will begin again. Happy reading. Thank you all for praying for me! I do so appreciate everything!

Friday, February 15, 2013

All things for good

I have had a difficult few years, the worst being sine December. At times the weight of my trials crushed my heart, and the sadness darkened my eyes. I really needed encouragement, and for that I prayed. God truly does answer prayers, and He answered this one in a big way!

Two days ago, I found an amazing lawyer. She was able to work out a plan that completely put my mind at ease! The amazing thing is that it should now be an uncontested divorce! YAY! If you haven't read it yet, then you really should. It's one of those turnpoint moments that changes everything!

Then I received an email stating that I may be given a job that would really help me earn the money towards the impossibly large $2,500. I know that God can and will provide, and I know I'm not the only one praying. I have complete confidence that I will have the money in His timing. For that reason, I am already stating this as Him working it for good, and in the coming weeks, I'll tell you how.

My daughter grew seemingly overnight, and we went from making it with 5 or 6 outfits that fit her to 2 outfits that fit her, and the others are kinda tight. Like hard to put on her tight. God has amazing timing! A reader sent a package of clothes for my daughter. The expected delivery date was today, and though I have not received it yet, I still know that God is providing in His perfect time.

Now's the biggie. I was discussing with someone about waiting on God. I tried so long to have a child. I vividly remember the pain of a miscarriage, and then the attempt for almost 2 years until I discovered the happy news that I was with child. I wanted so badly to have a child in my time. Had I been pregnant when I wanted to be, my little girl would have been 2, and leaving her father would be so much more difficult, and who knows if she would have been more directly affected by his sins. The thought absolutely chills my heart. If I had known who my husband was going to turn out to be, then I would have certainly waited. In fact, I wouln't have wanted any children with him. I am so glad I have my daughter, and so glad that she is still so very young. Truly God knows best.
I love being able to look at things even in the midst of this horrible situation! God is at work, and working all things for good and His glory! What an amazing God I serve! I pray that He is your God, too, because He does wonders!

Thursday, February 14, 2013

A job opportunity!!!

Please pray! I have a job listed under the prayer requests tab. I would be writing for a blog about a subject I love: couponing! I would write 8 articles per month and get $250/month. That would certainly help with the lawyer fees!

Well... today she contacted me! She asked for another example of my work, so I sent it to her, and she said she'd consider it. So while she's considering, please be praying. Please pray that she chooses me over all the other applicants. There were 150 of them to begin with, so the fact that I'm still in the running now is hugely encouraging!

If I get the job, I will jump on here and let you all know ASAP, even if that means that you'll be getting 2 posts in one day. :) So much good news lately! I really feel like things are looking up! Thanks to everyone for your prayers, and I will keep you posted. Short update today, because my excitement is making it difficult to focus. :D

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Intended custody arrangements

If you have not read yesterday's post, you really should. It's an amazing turn of events! I stated yesterday that the lawyer cleared up some misconceptions and I now believe my husband and I can come to agreement on things. This may be confusing to those who are avidly following my blog, because I stated my misconceptions as facts in an earlier post. Rather than telling you about my previous misconceptions, I'll just launch into the proper understanding. The intended custody arrangements are joint legal custody and I get full physical custody.

Physical custody is who she lives with. Typically, the person she lives with is also the caretaker of the child. This means that if I am awarded complete physical custody of my child, I make all the decisions regarding her care. It will ultimately be my job to provide for her, make decisions for her, and be her parent.

Joint legal custody means that both parties will weigh in on decisions for my daughter, but the final decision lies with the one awarded the caretaker of the child. Actually, this is a huge relief to me. I was so overwhelmed with how to make all the decisions by myself.

An example in this scenario is if her father decided she should learn to play 5 instruments by the time she was 7, he could ask me. I would likely think that's too aggressive, so how about she choose one instrument. If we could not reach an agreement, I would get to make the final decision. This is a great power, and with it comes great responsibility. Please pray for wisdom.

He has been asking for joint legal custody this whole time, and if I had known what it was, I would have gladly given it to him. I called him yesterday to tell him that I was ok with joint legal custody. He said he thinks he's ok with that, but he's not sure. This scenario is not in place until all the papers are signed. Please pray that he signs the papers and awards me sole custody. With everything he's done, I truly cannot trust him with her.

Above all, I am most concerned with my daughter's safety. Please pray with me that her safety will be ensured! Please pray that she will never have to experience the grief of being assaulted by her dad. Please pray that I will get the funds to get this custody arrangement started. I need $2,500. If you feel that you can help, that would be a tremendous blessing, no matter how small the gift. Whether you are praying or sharing funds, I thank you so much for everything you're doing! Together, we can keep my daughter safe.

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

The Right Lawyer-- Moving Forward!!

I found my lawyer! She is committed to keeping my daughter safe, and she has a plan for how to do so! She explained some things to me, and corrected some misconceptions. I now believe my husband and I can come to an agreement and have an uncontested divorce! I am so relieved!

So here's the plan: we file for an uncontested divorce with my terms in it. The important one being that I get custody of my little girl. If he fights that point, it will certainly become a contested divorce, so pray that he gives me custody as he said he would. Because custody of my daughter will be requested to be awarded to me, if he ever does come and take her while the divorce is on-going, he won't get far. I can take the case to the court, and prove that before he took her, I was already concerned for her safety and had filed for custody.

So... then there is the issue of the six months waiting period. I am down to 5 months wait, but that's still 5 months away. She actually may have found a way around it! She is going to file for divorce, and then keep stalling it until the 6 months waiting period is over. She said it might get dismissed right away, but there's always a chance it goes through. It just depends on the judge. So, please pray that the right judge reviews the case.

She did say that if this case becomes contested, it's unlikely that the judge will grant any visitation rights. She said that most judges say that if a person needs supervised visitation, then they shouldn't have any visitation at all. She went on to say that he just sounds like a perpetrator. While he has done horrible things, I don't want to punish my daughter by not letting her know her dad. Please, again pray that this is uncontested. A contested divorce would mean going before a judge, which would almost certainly mean she would not know her dad at all.

The lawyer can get this started as soon as I give her a retainer of $2,500. I have applied for a credit card, but truly don't feel that being in debt is the way to start being a single mother. I am praying that God provides. Please pray with me and consider making a donation towards my daughter's safety.

Saturday, February 9, 2013

I have to laugh, though I want to cry.

In my last post, I was declaring how wonderful it was to do just 3 loads each week. Well, God certainly has a sense of humor. It seems that my daughter is teething and her system is taking it hard. She has looser stools and has been throwing up. The result was 4 loads of laundry done today! lol. In the end, I had to really figure out what to wash with the last load, because everything was clean! So much for my easy laundry! I laugh now, though I certainly wasn't at the time!

I will tell you that the life of a single mother is exhausting! It has been hard trying to soothe her, wash her, clean up everything, and still get to see those adorable smiles without the help of her father. In fact, right now, my bed is covered in spit-up that she spewed a few hours ago. Because my mom has limited space, I share a room with my daughter. I began stripping my sheets, when she turned in her crib because of the noise. It took 2 hours to get her to sleep, so tonight, I'm camping on the floor! I would rather sleep on the floor than not sleep in my bed on clean sheets. Still, everything is rather hard.

I either need to laugh for a long time or to really cry. And I go back and forth between the two. My brother has been amazing sharing funny photos or videos to me, and then I considered watching a tear jerker today. I just never had an opportunity until after my little one went to sleep, and by then, I just didn't feel like it was a good idea. As I cry, I will finally think about everything my mind has so expertly hidden. I am an expert at avoiding pain, but it makes it more difficult to deal with in the end. Drawing it out helps me deal with it, but also puts everything front and cernter in my mind-- definitely not something I want to do right before bed.

Actually, I'd like to ask for prayer against nightmares.  I am in the midst of a horrible situation, and I am honestly having a hard time dealing with all the emotions. During the day, I strive to push it all away and act normal. I wish it were the same in the dream world. My mind seems to turn it over and over at night while I sleep, and I end up not sleeping well at all. That's not good for any mother of a young child! We need our sleep!!! Speaking of, I should really head to bed now. My little one has been asleep for a while, and my laundry is ready to be moved to the dryer. I'll fold it after the sun rises. May God bless us each with the nuggets of truth we personally need in church tomorrow! Say hi to someone! Everyone needs a friend!

Joy in simplicity

I currently live a life of simplicity, though not by choice. I am learning that I love a life of simplicity! For myself right now, I have only six outfits. My daughter had much more than that, but she is swiftly outgrowing her clothes, so she has only about 6 outfits as well. A sweetheart of a reader will be giving her more clothes, but for right now, all of my laundry gets done in 3 loads of laundry. Just three loads of laundry, and both of us have clean bedding, clothes. The burp rags, bibs and blankets are clean in that, too! It wasn't too long ago that three loads of laundry needed to be done every day, and I couldn't keep up with it all. I love the ease of throwing in just three loads each week and having clean... everything!

My days are spent writing here, on a few other blogs, and applications. I love to write, so this is a beautiful simplicity for me! For all of this, I can write around my daughter's schedule, which means while she is napping, I can get all my writing in! I'm hoping to be able to get more high-profile writing jobs. There's one I'm applying for that I'd write 2 articles a week and get paid $250/month. That's amazing, and you can pray that I get it, please!

I have the freedom of simplicity right now, and I never knew how amazing it really is to be so unencumbered with stuff! Don't get me wrong, I miss my things, but I am definitely planning on dejunking when my stuff gets here! After all this, I will likely consider more of my things "junk" than before.

The best part of my current simplicity is the unencumbered time I have to spend with my daughter in a safe place. God has provided a safe place right now. Please pray that He will occupy my mind, as it is so easy to use this time of simplicity to think about all that is wrong in my life.

Friday, February 8, 2013

My birthday news

My mom knows the hardship I've been experiencing, and determined to make my day as wonderful as she could! She took me out and got my hair cut, my eyebrows waxed, and a manicure done. On top of that, my in-laws sent a very generous gift card to my favorite store: Kohl's. I went shopping and bought some belts to help me hold up my pants. I keep shrinking after delivery, but my pants just aren't shrinking with me. :) I also bought lipstick, a beautiful shirt and 2 camis to go under it. After all that, I was $5 away from getting $10 Kohl's cash, so I zipped off and grabbed a couple chocolates. I still have $20 left on the card, and $10 Koh's cash to add to it! I feel absolutely pampered, and excited to have had a great birthday!

So thank you to all who were praying that I would be able to enjoy my birthday! It was an astounding success!

Happy Birthday to me!!! =D

Thursday, February 7, 2013

Prayer updates

I said I'd post answered prayers here. While these haven't exactly been answered yet, they basically have, and have huge updates to go with them. Thanks so much for your prayers. You can view the current prayer requests here:

My sister to get a restraining order
She smoothly got the restraining order, and I am going to sleep so much more soundly knowing she is safe! Thank you all for your prayers! I do so appreciate them!

My stuff to get here soon.
The neat thing is that when I first asked for prayer for this, all I had was a purse and a diaper bag. Now, I can happily say that I have 2 suitcases as well. My mom bought a pack-and-play for my daughter to sleep in and a mattress for me. As for the rest of my stuff... the rest of it all will be shipped when I file for a divorce. I can't file for a divorce for a long time. You can read more about that not so fun dilemna here:
A sweet woman contacted me about clothes for my daughter. God is providing!

Reliable transportation
My husband was going to give me the old beat up car that should really be sold at a junk yard. He decided that I could have our second car, which has a few problems, but not half so many and it gets better gas mileage! Huge bonus! He said we could sell the beat-up car to pay for fixing our second car. So, that's good! Then he's going to buy a totally new car for himself. I can't get the car shipped to me until the rest of everything gets shipped.

My daughter to switch to the local time zone.
She used to stay up until 3:30 am. We have now successfully changed that to 1:30 am. This may seem like nothing, but it is huge to me. It is all something that can still be prayed for, but there are so many more pressing and important things to pray for, I chose to take this one off the list.

Thank you all for your prayers!!! Things are changing, and God is moving!

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Down and out, but good news first

First of all, in case you missed it, my sister got her restraining order! I will be sleeping much better at night with the knowledge that she is safe. So will she, by the way! That is hugely wonderful.

Secondly, please pardon two posts in one day.

Unfortunately, I'm down more now than I have been in a long time. Someone suggested I speak with the court about getting a court order to keep my husband away from my daughter unless he is supervised. I called, and they said that because he was in another state, a court order wasn't possible. They did give me the number for a legal advisor for a crisis center. The first question she asked me was if I was safe. I was so glad to be able to answer yes!

I've been thinking more and more that perhaps I should go back to state A to get things packed and sorted, and maybe even get a restraining order. I told the legal advisor about my situation and my plans. She strongly advised against going back to state A, and said her strong recommendation is to stay in state B. At any time he comes to visit, I can arrange for a court order. Until that time, I can't do anything. Because he is out of state, he couldn't appear in court, so the case would be dismissed.

I explained about my sister and the comments he's made about my daughter, and that's when she really began stressing to stay where I am and wait the 6 months to get a divorce.

I will be staying here, but I feel so helpless and defeated. So I have a question for all of you:
What do you do when you're down and out for a very good reason? How do you personally cope?

My life explained-- the here and now

I received an outpouring of love yesterday! Two emails offering encouragement, prayer, and offers of assistance, lots of page views here, and promises of prayer posted on a Facebook page. I cannot thank you enough. On that Facebook page, there was some confusion regarding my current situation. I hope to clear that up. As always, feel free to email me at However you choose to contact me, I will always view your questions as a loving request to help you pray for me better. I'll never turn you away.

First question: Did she get full custody of her daughter?
Unfortunately, I'm at a stand-still in the divorce. I'll explain that at the end, but I can't be awarded custody until I can file for divorce. I'm at a scary time of just waiting. My least favorite 4 letter word: wait!

Second question: Is this the same person you posted about awhile ago...the one whose husband was having sexual problems? Just want to pray more specifically!
First of all, thank you so very much for your prayers! The fact that you even asked that tells me that you've been praying all along, and that just warms my heart! And yes, it's still me. :)

I do have a prayer requests tab, and within that are current prayer requests that will also help you see where I am in this whole mucky mess.

As of right now, I cannot move forward with the divorce. My husband told me on Christmas that he was tempted to rape my sister. On December 26th, I was on a plane headed to my family. Unfortunately, I had no family in state, and after his earlier comments about my daughter, I had to get her out of there! I'll call the state my husband is in state A and my mom's state is state B. That should help clear up some confusion.

I left state A in a rush and flurry of emotions. I came to state B intending to file for a divorce right away, but I need to be a resident of state B for 6 months first and it will be insanely expensive. I considered returning to state A, especially given the fact that I would be granted free legal assistance, but state A requires in-state counseling. I would do it, but my husband will likely need to move from state A in a few months, so state A isn't possible until I know where he is living. Once he is settled, I can go to whichever state he is in to file a divorce. Until then, I'm stuck waiting.

I do have my daughter with me, and that is huge! I get to laugh with her, deal with her teething, cure her diaper rashes, and love her to pieces! I so want complete custody of her, but I am so afraid that it just won't happen. I wrote a post about that. You can read it here:

If any of you do ever have any questions, don't hesitate to ask. I so appreciate your prayers! Thank you all so much!

P.S. My sister is going to court today for the restraining order. Please do keep her in your prayers as well.

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Restraining orders

Update: My sister got her restraining order! Thank you all for your prayers!

Though this is an anonymous blog, I am choosing to say very little here for my sister's privacy.

My sister has court on Wednesday, because she needs a restraining order against my husband. He has done horrible things to her, culminating in admitting to being tempted to rape her. He is excusing everything he has done, and even excusing his temptations of rape. She had been living with us, but moved out in December. He has no clue where she is, but he was asking for her location for weeks and said we were trying to keep her from him. (duh!)

While he has done terrible things, I don't know how much proof she has. I will not feel that she is safe unless she has a restraining order. Please pray that she was able to acquire the proof she needs and that the court will rule in favor of a restraining order.

Please also pray that the court will rule in such a way as to make the custody hearing a breeze and an easy step.

Finally, my husband excused the thoughts of rape by saying he thought about rape, but he didn't actually rape her, so he's fine, much like he's been thinking about killing himself, but he would never do it so he's not suicidal. Rather than making me feel better, I am now worried about his safety from himself. I alerted someone about his statements, and I am praying for his safety. Please join me.

Essentially, my sister, my husband, my daughter, and I all need prayers for safety from my husband.
Your prayers are appreciated!

Monday, February 4, 2013

My precious daughter

I have been trying so hard to put a positive spin on my situation and my emotions. Really, though, I am experiencing something I could only describe as grief. To be honest, I miss my husband so much. Despite all the despicable things he's done, I still love him. My dad says a part of me always will. There are times that the burden just seems impossibly large. And then I look at my daughter.

For my daughter's sake, I push on despite the loneliness and fear. She and I laughed together today. It was wonderful! I've always enjoyed a baby's laughter, but when the baby is mine and I see the joy in her eyes and the trickle of laughter that builds into an amazingly sweet and full-bodied laugh, it fills my heart with joy. The joy in her face thrills the deepest part of me, and for her and that joy, I press on.

She is sleeping in my arms as I type this. God has blessed me with an amazingly sweet daughter. She's about conquered rolling over now, and she's sat up on her own. Her lower front teeth are moving into position. Sometimes she cries from the pain, but for the most part, she is my sweet little girl. People are always commenting how sweet she is because she seldom fusses and rarely cries. I can't help but tell God how amazing the blessing of such a sweet daughter astounds me daily. If I have to be a single mom, then God is so amazing to bless me with such a sweet little girl. I truly cannot imagine my life without her.

I am so blessed! I cannot thank God enough.

Sunday, February 3, 2013

Abraham and I

God called Abram out of Ur. To where? Abram didn't know. For many years, Abraham didn't know where he was going, and just sought to follow God step by step, city by city. For much of his life, Abraham didn't have a proper home.

Here I am, following God's leading out of a bad situation. To where? I'm not really sure. For now, I am living in my mom's house and waiting for direction. I won't have a proper home for a while now.

My mom has been so gracious! I do wish I had another place to stay. Proverbs 25:17 states, "Withdraw thy foot from thy neighbour's house; lest he be weary of thee, and so hate thee." Unfortunately, our relationship is already beginning to strain. My plan had originally been to spend time with different family members after the divorce. That was not possible, so here I am. My mom and I worked hard to get a really strong relationship. I hope and pray that this does not change.

In the meantime, I am here waiting for the next move to make. I have a vivid understanding of that which Abraham and the Israelites went through. Waiting and waiting and waiting for the next place that still won't be home. Despite all the lies of Abraham and all the rebellion and lack of faith of this Israelites, I can't help but feel amazed by their ability to follow God and wait. And follow and wait yet again to go to another place that isn't home.

Home is amazing! It's the place you feel you belong, the place where you can completely be yourself without being a bother to others. Home... what a place! I really want it! The lawyer I spoke to weeks ago said "you're in a unique situation of not having a home." sigh. There's no place like home! Now if only I had ruby red slippers. Although, even ruby red slippers can't take me somewhere that doesn't exist. God will make it amazing when it gets there, I'm sure! I just have to keep having faith! Like the faith of Abraham.