Thursday, January 31, 2013

"I'm here"

"I'm here!" These are the words I seem to be hearing time and again from a Father Who cares.

One day while pushing my daughter's stroller through a store, she started fussing. I told her, "I'm here, my child! Can't you tell I'm here? The wheels are turning and we're moving." I stopped right there-- literally stopping in my tracks. It was a huge realization to me, and I could imagine God saying the same thing to me. "I'm here! Can't you tell I'm here? The wheels are turning and we're moving." Despite the fact that my divorce is at a stand-still, I can tell you of a surity that God is working in my life.

My daughter is growing at an amazing rate! She's healthy-- What a blessing! Yet what a load of clothes to replace! And God provides. An amazing reader is giving me her daughters' old clothes. I can't tell you what a blessing that is!

I had been stressing about not having income to speak of. After I gave it to God, I got a job assignment. I have now completed my first job on, and I just got paid! It may be only $30, but I have a foot securely placed inside the door.

I got another offer to work, but declined it because I would be writing about witch craft. Initially, I felt that I did the right thing, but part of me regretted turning down money. After careful review of the Bible, I know I did the right thing, and I know God will bless!

I have friends and family here to support me. Beyond that is the fact that my God is clearly showing me that He loves me, He's here for me, and He has taken a personal charge in my case.

By the way, Happy Birthday to me! =)
I'm not sick for my birthday and I have all my work done. Today is surely going to be a good day!

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Divorce, the hot topic!

Hello all!

I have read the Bible my whole life, but I must say that every day I read it, there are new things inside that I had never read before. I've been really struggling about leaving my husband. I know I'm doing what's right in God's eyes. I have verses that support it, but the reason I'm leaving hasn't been the infidelity, but the abusive nature. And that's what I struggled with. Nowhere in the Bible does it say that it is ok to leave an abusive marriage and get a divorce. I felt sure that God wanted me to do what I was doing. After all, if a woman marries a man, and he goes way beyond abusive and starts seeking her life, is she supposed to just deal with it, submit to it, and raise her kids in that environment. I don't think so. So, why doesn't the Bible address it? And why doesn't the church support women like me?

A friend of mine knows almost everything I've been going through. She used to pray with me about my husband changing, but she knew very little about the situation. It wasn't until I decided I had to leave that I finally got the courage to tell her everything. Because she and I had been praying for my husband to change, I expected deep reproach and judgment. Far from it! She has totally been there for me! She even sent me a link to something she had come accross. Little did she know how very much I've been wondering about this very thing.

The article is called A Biblical Response to the Abused Wife and you can read it here:

After reading the long article, I truly felt like God cares about my situation. He is there for me and I am safe. Thank you all for your prayers, because as I told God how wonderful He is being to me, I included all of you and your prayers in my blessings. He truly is taking amazing care of me. We serve an amazing God! He loves us! The God of the universe loves YOU! When I consider that, I just feel small and oddly cherished. God will work all things for our good and His glory. That's the promise, and therein lies the confidence.

I'm praying for each of my readers tonight. May you see God bless your life as He is blessing mine. May He heal whatever needs to be healed. Thank you all for being "there."

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

A praise, a bigger praise, and a huge praise

Our God is so good! Thank you all for your prayers! They worked! I am feeling better. I still have the very occasional dizzy spell, but I am a-ok. This is remarkable! Normally when I am that sick, I am sick for 2-3 weeks, and don't get better until I get rehydrated through IVs in the hospital. I actually tried something new this time. They're Gatorade pro series electrolyte packets. If you take 4 of them and mix them in a liter of water, it's the same as having an IV. Or so I heard from a friend who heard it from her doctor. Before I got sick, I drank 3/4 of a liter of this stuff. It tastes nasty! But I'm amazed that I did so well! No trip to the hospital! So worth it. The only two drawbacks of this stuff are the taste and the cost. They are quite pricey! But if it keeps me out of the hospital, it's so worth it! Especially since I'm a single mom. I figure paying $25 for 18 of these .04 ounce packets is worth it if it keeps me healthy.

I shared the success with a POTS page on Facebook. One of the girls said she had bought 3 boxes of them, and couldn't stand the stuff! She made a comment wishing she could send them to me. I told her that if she was serious, I'd pay the shipping! So, I have 3 boxes of this wonderful awful stuff coming to me for just the cost of shipping, though I plan to round to the nearest $10 for her generosity.

So, my health is the praise, the packets for so cheap are the bigger praise, now onto the huge praise! I have work! I was hired to write 10 articles in a week. I'm getting paid $40. That probably sounds like the worst return ever, but I'll explain. I'm just beginning freelance writing. This is my first job, and my "boss" really likes my work. He's been recommending me to other people looking for authors, and I have been invited to apply to 3 separate writing assignments today! On top of all that, I have 2 tutoring jobs lined up! Word of mouth is the fasted way to grow in both of these businesses, so I'm just tickled pink!

God is working out all the details. To be honest, as I was sick, I was getting rather discouraged about work. I was beginning to despair. Then, I gave it all to God. See what happened? I gave it all to God and He turned around and gave me writing assignments and tutoring jobs. Perhaps it's not much right now, but my schedule is getting full with taking care of my little one, writing professional articles, and tutoring students. And my faith is back where it belongs. :)

For your benefit, the freelance site I'm working through is I found the tutoring jobs through I have a referral link to it that will give me points. Email me if you'd like it. I pray that all of you experienced God's blessings this week as I have. I also hope and pray that each of my readers are healthy. It's really no fun being sick.

Thursday, January 24, 2013

Out Sick

My dear prayer warriors,

I am sick. Like, really sick. I feel awful! Because I need to devote my energies to my daughter, I'll be away until I feel better. Perhaps you'd consider catching up on things you've missed, or at least visiting the prayer request page while I'm away. I could really use your prayer. In fact, please pray that I feel better by my birthday. Perhaps that seems selfish, so I'll explain.

On Christmas day, I discovered that my husband wanted to rape my sister. Needless to say, I didn't have a very merry Christmas. I've been hoping to celebrate my birth and my life, despite how it turned out. I really don't want to get news like that on Christmas, and be sick for my birthday. I want to feel happy and healthy and like everything is going to turn out ok. Anyway, enough of that!

Getting better will be quite the feat. I have POTS, which means I feel a ton and a half worse than the normal person. I get dizzy more easily, dehydrate way too easily, and it takes forever to get better! God is bigger than all that, so pray, please!

I will return when I feel better, and let you know how my birthday went. Until then, thank you so much for all your prayers and support! I love reading emails and comments! I have the best prayer warriors ever!

Just Me

A wonderful mother

My goal through all of this is to be a wonderful mother for my child. I'm sick today, and my mom is totally there for me. She is showering me with sweetness, running to the store, excusing my little mistakes, and doing everything in her power to make sure I'm taken care of. I hope to be as wonderful to my little girl when she gets sick.

I also want to raise her to be respectful, kind, and yet have a backbone to defend herself. I want her to be willing to submit herself to authority without making herself a door mat. I want her to find a man who will treat her the way a husband should treat his wife.

I imagine living in a house with her as years go by. I so want to give her everything she desires, because she won't have a father in the home. Yet, that would be a great disservice, and would only spoil her rotten.

I fear making every-day decisions alone, without the balance of a partner. No one to lean on in the hard times. I had better make sure I'm leaning hard on God! May He give me the wisdom to be both a mother and a father to my baby girl. I hope I will be a good enough mother that I may teach her to love the Lord.

I have to wonder if other people feel this sense of responsibility when it comes to their children. I imagine they do. If you do, tell me about the steps you have taken to assure that your children grow up to be good men and women.

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

A funny story

I wrote in an earlier post that a mobile home seems to be a good solution for me. Well, I was looking around online to verify that it was possible to get a mobile home in a good location around here. Some of the sites require you to fill out a "contact me" form before you can look around. Ok, whatever. I'll fill it out. he he

I got a phone call, and the man had a strong Italian accent. He said he was from such and such company and they had-a received my-a interest.

I told him that my finances weren't in a good place right now, and wouldn't be for quite some time.

Him: Oh, I'm-a so sorry! I know it-a must be hard! People don't-a know, but I've had the hard times, too. My name is Mario. The website has-a my cell phone-a number. You can-a call any time. Sometimes people just need-a to talk, and I'm-a good listener.

Me: Thank you, but I'm alright. I have an amazing God and lots of friends and family who are really supportive right now.

Him: I'm-a glad you have that! Most people, they don't-a have what-a you have.... Your voice sounds like you are a young-a woman. You sound-a like you are a young and strong-a woman.... I just-a know you will move into my community one-a day.

Me: (I don't think so!) Well, thank you for your time.

Him: Good-a-bye beautiful.

I called a friend and we laughed about it so hard! he he!

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Praying for custody

The prayer for custody for my child is the hardest one for me to pray. This is also the hardest post for me to write. My heart freezes in fear as I think about the possibility of the court awarding joint custody. I think I have alluded to enough throughout the blog to help my readers understand why that would be the worst thing for my daughter. It just can't happen.

I fear that perhaps some of you skip over praying for custody, because you feel it's obvious that the court would decide in my favor. One of my readers thought of me as she was looking around on line, and sent me this link: It seems that the court does not always do what is logical or what is best for the child. As I said, my heart freezes in fear.

Perhaps some of you would say that God would never allow that to happen. God is good! I know that. I also know that horrible things happen every day. Victims of child abuse, rape, and murder can attest to that. I do know that prayers are powerful! Please pray that God will spare my child from a painful young life. Actually, I have specifics you can pray for, if you don't mind.

Prayers for
My heart to be calmed
Me to find the right lawyer
Us to obtain concrete evidence
Us to stand before the right judge
God to lead in the whole situation
Me to be awarded complete custody

I don't know how I could lose custody, except that we live in a fallen world. Your prayers could mean the difference between her safety and her lifetime of pain. Thank you for your prayers! I do so deeply appreciate it!

Just Me

Monday, January 21, 2013

Dove Chocolate Discoveries

I think I have kept my readers in suspense long enough! The direct-selling company I am working with is Dove Chocolate Discoveries. I cannot tell you how excited I am to walk up to a friend and excitedly ask, "Do you want to have a chocolate party?" And the great news is that I will be providing free samples of premium Dove chocolate at the party!

Direct selling companies never really do amazingly well, but I have wanted to be a part of this business for literally years! I figure it will make some money, but my main goal is to have fun and meet people!

And get this! I'm not a representative. I'm a chocolatier! How cool is that!?

If you are interested in signing up as a host or would like to be a chocolatier, let me know!

I'm so excited!!!

Sunday, January 20, 2013

No Judgment, Just Prayer

Whether we mean to or not, each of us makes judgments daily. The normal kind is benign. If you see someone smile, you automatically weigh that evidence, and judge that the person must be happy. You see someone cry, and automatically judge the person must be going through a trying time. These types of judgments occur automatically, and seemingly without thought. If you're really analytical, you may judge other things to determine that the smile is not all there is.

My fear is that if people know I'm getting a divorce, I'll be judged with the modern-day scarlet letter. A big red D. Especially among Christians, divorce is one of those things judged to be terrible. And it is terrible. In this day and age, many people get divorced because of finances, the house not being cleaned right, or just because, or as people say, "we fell out of love." Because these unjustified reasons for divorce became so popular, those of us who legitimately need a divorce get thrown out with the bunch.

Those who know me know that something unspeakable must have happened, so I fear no reprisal from them. And my readers have been amazing! I have yet to receive one negative comment or email. All I get from you all is support, and I so appreciate that! I suppose my fear concerns the future. As I walk around with my daughter, always alone. As I go to church, always alone. Not to mention pushing around a stroller without wearing a wedding ring.

I've been told I shouldn't worry what people think of me, but I am such a people person! Here I am in a new place, and I want to get to know people! But they start asking the innocent, yet hard questions. How long are you in town for? Is your husband here, too? Where do you live? I feel that I must give answers without unveiling the whole situation. It is unlike me. I am such an open person.

Perhaps, on reflection, it is me judging them to be judgy. Perhaps I should stop just saying, "Just pray" with a smile on my face, and trust that the God who is leading me step by step is also the God Who will bring the right people accross my path. I need friends, and I know God knows that. He created me to be the people person I am. Perhaps it is time to step out and share.

As always, feel free to email me at

And because I have had 3 people asking how they can help, I will be drafting a list of things I need. But I want all of you to promise that you will not help my family if it will cause a hardship in your own. As always, the biggest thing I need is prayer. You can find the prayer requests on the right or on the top if you're viewing on mobile. Thank you all for your unfailing prayer and support!

Saturday, January 19, 2013

A day of fun and answered prayers

My apologies for not writing yesterday. My brother saw my loneliness, stress, and the way I kept waffling towards depression. He took me out for a much-needed day of fun.

We went to a store to get more clothes for my little girl at wonderful prices! Eighteen outfits and a bouncer for not quite $40! I was happy!
Then we came home and played Monopoly twice. Currently we're tied. He smoked me the first game, and I smoked him the second. I feel a re-match coming on eventually.
Then we watched Ice Age.

It was a wonderful day, but my little girl decided it wasn't quite good enough. To top it all off, she rolled over to her stomach, and back to her back! I cheered, happy to see that she is still growing healthy and strong despite all the changes in her life.

Today, I am actually going to go look at some job opportunities! I am meeting with some people today about a direct-selling company. Which one will come later.

I did get a job on Elance, though! I'll be mostly proofreading and editing, though there may be some writing along the way. Writing has always been my passion, so I'm excited to get paid for it! I'll get roughly $600/month with that job! Not bad, if you ask me!

Pray that God keeps providing. Because the amount that I will owe the lawyers is a big unknown, I keep feeling that I need to earn and save as much as possible. And I probably do. Some of the local lawyers charge $1,000 per hour! (OUCH!)  I am trying my hardest to use this period of waiting in order to make the next step much easier.

I figure that if I can earn enough to pay the lawyers, then after the divorce I should still be earning a steady paycheck, and it may even be enough to move out on my own! I am so very excited! I love watching God put all the pieces together!

Thursday, January 17, 2013

Your thoughts and experiences

When I was a little girl, we lived first in a single wide mobile home, and then in a double wide. I have rather fond memories of romping around the park. It was safe back then, but we moved out of them before I was 7. It's been a while. I read all sorts of things questioning the safety of mobile parks. Are good ones still out there? Do you feel that people who live there are "trailor trash?" Bottome line, Do you think it's a safe place to raise a little girl?

I am going to keep this extra short today because I really want your feedback! If we could start a minor debate, that would be best, because it would really expose the good and bad points of mobile home living. I'm eagerly anticipating reading your responses.

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

My least favorite 4 letter word: wait

Good evening!

I mentioned on Monday that I met with an attorney, but I didn't tell you much about it, because with everything else, it would have ended up being an impossibly long post. I'm trying to keep these easily read and digested.

The attorney said that getting divorced in my original state is not a good idea at this point, because we're not sure if my husband will end up being able to stay in that state. The state laws require mandatory counseling, and if I get divorced there, and he leaves, then I'm stuck trying to figure out what, if anything, can be done.

The local laws dictate that I have to have lived in this state for at least 6 months before I can file for a divorce, and it would be insanely expensive.

There is a third possibility... if my husband does move to another state, I could potentially get a divorce there at that point. Or, of course, if he stays in that original state, I could go back there and get free legal representation, so I would only be out $250.

SO many unknowns! The only thing I do know about this situation is that my daughter and I are happily out of that situation for the time being. :) And, of course, I know for a fact that God is looking out for us!

In fact, as I left the attorney's office thinking about compromise. The attorney said that if we could come to an agreement, it would "only" cost $2,000. My child's father is only looking to get joint legal custody. It means that if I have an untimely death, she gets raised by him. I can't let that happen! Those of you who know the situation know why. Those who don't, I throw you a bone: When she was 2 months old, he was saying how surprised he was that she already had so much breast definition. After his history, this scared me to death, and things happened later that sent me running for her safety. And here I am.

Anyway, I digress. I left the attorney, thinking that I would compromise. The radio came on as I turned the key in the ignition, and a sermon about waiting on God poured into the car. The preacher said that God gives us point A and we want to run and think about everything else, but God doesn't give us points B,C,D,E, F, and following. He gives us point A, and then he directs when He is ready for us to step towards B, He directs at that time.

So, I am standing at A and waiting...

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

My favorite 4 letter word

I told you all that I would write one post each day. So, here we are on January 15th! Can you believe January's almost over already???

I have been thinking about everything a lot, and this is what I have come up with: hope!

When life is shattered pieces
That scatter as they fall,
The nail-scarred hands of Jesus
Will catch them one and all.

The slivers reunited,
A better canvas laid
The dark contrasts the brightness
In the bold new life He's made.

I love to write poetry! :)

Anyway, truly, looking at my future if I had chosen to stay with my husband is bleak, and looks like my daughter would be scarred for life, and I would be stuck in a horrible situation. Every person I talk to says how proud they are that I am taking steps to protect my daughter's lifelong safety. Some days I feel that everyone would do as I am doing, and other days, I just feel overwhelmed with everything. Today is one of those days, so I am choosing to take today and dream about my daughter's and my new life.

It will be a life without fear, built upon the foundation of God's love and sacrifice. We will likely have a very humble home, but God blesses the humble. We won't have a lot of money, but we will be richly blessed by a good church. I may be a single mom, but it's better than being in the situation I was in! My daughter will not be harmed! That is the greatest blessing of all!

I pray that today I can focus on God, and not on the waves.

I did receive a message from someone stating that she would be willing to be a contact person for me. If I handed out this person's name and information, you could contact her about sending cards to me, how you can help, and she would forward the things she receives to me. Would that be of interest to anyone?

Monday, January 14, 2013

So much going on!

Hello all!

Thank you all so much for your loyal prayers! I see God working daily, even in the moments when everything seems bleak. So much is happening in my life right now that I feel that I have to change this to once a day posting. Once a week leaves just too much to say! So, rather than inundating you all with way too much information, I'll break it up. Today, I'll give you the Reader's Digest version of "the good, the bad, and the blessings."

The Good:

I found a church that is amazing!!! Truly following Jesus! I met a nanny there, and she said there were tons of nannies within the church! I feel so much better knowing that I have a pool of Christian nannies to choose from! God is leading!

I found an amazing store! It's called Kid to Kid. Not only can I buy cheap, but quality clothes and items for my baby, but I can also sell my gently used baby items to them. It's amazing, because she is growing way too quickly!!! Clothes I bought a few weeks ago no longer fit her. I liked the store so much I applied there! Pray that it works out!

I receive emails from, and a gem was inside one! I read about another mom's struggle to provide for her child. She decided to try to trade the comforts she was accustomed to for a life in a trailer. Hmmm... I started looking at prices. Seems like a strong possibility for the future!

The Bad:

I met with an attorney today. I am looking at an intensely more costly event than I ever realized. $2,000 for an uncontested divorce, and so much more if my husband contests anything. He has said that he will contest certain things, so this is going to get impossibly expensive. I have big decisions to make, which I will detail later.

With the costs of everything, it looks like moving out on my own is farther away than I had ever realized.

The Blessings:

I feel that my life is falling apart, and God is catching all the pieces, and re-configuring them into something beautiful. I just have no idea what it is yet! I wish I could say that I always feel absolutely fantastic about everything, but I still have my moments of intense desperation. God is drawing me nearer to Himself daily. Any verses about God leading for our good, and verses about no fear will be a huge blessing to me! Feel free to email them at or commenting below. Thanks everyone!

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Overwhelmed, and it's a good thing!

Did you ever do something just to make things simpler, and it exploded beyond any potential you thought possible? Around 12 hours ago, I began this blog just to share updates and request lots of prayer. I knew, of course, that there were those who would be interested in praying and many who were trying hard to keep updated by watching for updates on a Facebook page. I was just trying to make it simple. I had humble motives.

I logged on just curious about how many people had seen my blog, figuring that maybe a third were praying for me. I was blown away as I saw "Page views: 108." Assuming that my theory of a third is true, that means that 36 people are praying for myself, my daughter, and for a safe future. I feel like celebrating! Thank you all, by the way, for making the page views an easy number to divide by three.

I do want to add a couple updates. I have been told to remain with my mom until it is deemed safe to return. Possibly around a month. I have also been told that it may be possible to get a divorce from my current state. Pray that it is so. In my original state, you need to go through counseling and have a period of separation before a divorce is granted. I applaud them for taking steps to save marriages! However, I just want this nightmare to be over. I want to hold my baby girl and know she is safe for the rest of her life! "Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but when the desire comes, it is a tree of life." (Prov. 13:12) I want that tree of life!

Unfortunately, there may be problems with getting a divorce here. The papery green kind of problem. In my original state, I was given free legal aid because of the situation. Locally, I do not know if this is possible. If it is not, then my only option is to return to get a divorce. In a case like this, I really do wish that green stuff grew on trees!

A commenter mentioned that I should start an anonymous email so people could contact me. I assure you that it's already been done: If I send an email to you, it will say I'm Rebecca Paige. I'm not. I actually rather like "Just Me," but google said it's not considered a name. (Imagine that!) Therefore, my blog will be Just Me, and I will sign the emails as Just Me, but the email will say it's from Rebecca Paige. I hope that's not too confusing!

Please do keep up with the prayer requests on the right. That is, after all, my entire purpose of writing this blog. :)

Thank you all for the support and encouragement I am already receiving! It has been amazing to me to see God bless through this whole ordeal! I wish I could share everything He's working out, but that gets into personal things I don't know that I'll ever be able to share. Just know that I serve an amazing and true living God! He loves me, cares for me, and is evidently taking care of me every step of the way! I am trying to rest in His guiding care, but I keep looking at the waves. He is an incredible Father!!! Praise be to the God who leads, cares, and keeps me and my daughter safe! May my heart never wander in the confidence of His protection!

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

The Backstory

My life took a dramatic turn a few weeks ago. I discovered my husband was worse than I could have ever possibly imagined. I have since taken this information to officials, and they said to leave the state for my safety and my daughter's well-being. Because of the nature of my husband's actions, I will need a divorce. There is just no other way.

Many people know my story, yet do not know who I am. I would like it to remain that way. Therefore, if you are one of the few who could expose me to the world, please keep it to yourself. I started this because I know many are concerned and would like to offer real prayer. As I have updates to share, I will share them here. Eventually, I hope for this blog to be a place where all mothers can find practical advice from my experiences. Couponing, small businesses, and who knows what else will be represented for public consumption.

I will post weekly updates with prayer requests and updates.

I will eventually think of a pen name. For now, I'm just me, and my daughter is Mine. :)

God bless you for your care and concern!