Sunday, March 31, 2013

Envelopes stuffed with prayer

I had 15 envelopes in my mailbox waiting to be taken by the mailman Saturday. These envelopes got sorted at the post office and then each will be delivered to the address so carefully written on the outside of the envelope. A man or woman will pick up my envelope and deliver it to the administrator of a local Christian school. The administrator will open it, and give me a call saying they will recommend me. At least, that's what my prayers are.

Each envelope has my resume, a business card, and a letter requesting to be recommended as a tutor to the families in their school. I have stated that I understand that with every recommendation comes responsibility, so I would be happy to come in for an interview.

I'm praying that I will get at least a few recommendations, and at least 5 students, though 10 would be ideal. Because I know that many of you will be praying with me, I will let you know if I hear from any of the schools.

If this does go well, I intend to reach out to other Christian schools in the area. This may very well be the start to a successful tutoring career in this area. Again, that's what I'm praying for. It took a lot of time and effort to get everything done. Now that they're on their way, I'm praying that God will bless my efforts. I've sown seeds, let's pray them into blossom!

This makes me wonder what you're really working toward. I know I'm not the only one who has hope that things I do will bring forth fruit. If you let me know, I will pray! In fact, with your permission, I will post your prayer requests on next week's page. Let's get praying together for each other. God will surely bless!

I wrote this on Friday, and would like to add that I now have a student to tutor! The parent contacted me on Saturday and asked me to tutor 3 times a week till the end of the school year. I'll post more about this on Tuesday. Have a blessed week! Hope everyone enjoyed their Easter!

He is Risen!

He is risen indeed! What hope! What blessed assurance! What other truth can banish fear and grief? God conquered everything on that first Easter. Death was defied, and Jesus lived lives!

Easter is by far my favorite holiday. It is the celebration of every true hope. It is the evidence that we need not fear; the truth that everything will be made right again. There is new life, and the knowledge that the only permanent things are those wonderful truths that God reigns and has conquered everything.

It is an annual in-your-face reminder to cling to faith instead of fear. It is a day filled with momentary reflections on how amazing our God is. It is the knowledge that the God of the universe personally cares.

I have often thought about the first Easter, and how the fear changed to faith. It was such a dramatic change that those who had been living in shadows suddenly were running in the streets to proclaim the truth-- Jesus lives!

We have a choice to make every day. We can choose to focus and cling to the grief, pain, and fear or we can choose to focus and cling to the Lord who does miracles and works on our behalf.

It is an easy logical choice. Unfortunately, the continually choosing is more difficult. It's easy to see the boisterous waves as Peter did before he focused on Jesus and walked on water. The waves in our lives are noisy and make a great show of just how terrible things are. It takes deliberate choices to draw our attention from that and have our focus unwavering on our wonderful Lord.

Easter is my favorite holiday because it's one big day that reminds me just how powerful my God is and just how much He cares for me. Can I really continue doubting about the future when I consider that the God who leads my life is the same one who defied the grave? Is there anything that God cannot do? Surely not.

I cannot wait until I see God face to face. And this is one thing that I consider. We will all have perfect bodies except for Jesus. He will yet be bearing the scars in His hands. A continual reminder of His love for us. I need Easter to be a reminder to me here on Earth. When I finally see Him, I will cry into those hands. I cannot wait for Him to carefully wipe every tear from my eyes. Until then, I continue in life with the knowledge that nothing is outside His power. He is my almighty God.

Saturday, March 30, 2013

A time of fear

Their leader had not only died, but He had been crucified. The twelve disciples and other followers of Jesus must have been horribly confused and very scared. If Jesus had been killed, would they be next?

There are times in our life when everything seems wrong. It may even seem like God Himself has deserted you. The disciples surely felt this way. Peter had denied Jesus. My heart aches at the thought. They had so many reasons to fear, and yet they had none.

God Himself had walked with them, told them of His death and resurrection. They had seen miracle after miracle, yet fear broke their faith. I imagine many of us think that we would do better than they did, but I know we wouldn't.

God has given us each promises. In times of difficulty, do we cling to His promises or do we cling to fear? Personally, I have seen Him perform miracles in my own life. Yet in this difficult circumstance, I must fight fear and fend off depression. We are flesh, and so were the disciples.

There is a good ending, of course, but these days must have seemed like years. They lived in hiding, denying Jesus and just hoping to survive. This is such a different picture than the disciples showed later. Once they clung to faith, they were fearlessly preaching Jesus, and they died for it, but Jesus was preached!

Although this all has to do with events after the resurrection, I'm going to share it here. I have a link that tells how the disciples died. As I read it, I'm overwhelmed with just how much faith they have. May I have such a faith! Enjoy!

Friday, March 29, 2013

What's so good about Good Friday?

I heard a phenomenal message this past Sunday. Because of the importance of the anonymity, I cannot share the preacher's name or the church. However, I had to share his sermon. I'm been thinking about it all week. May it make a positive impact on each of your lives as well.

Today is Good Friday. It is the day most of Christians set aside to celebrate Christ's sacrifice. It is in memory of the day He died. But He died a gruesome death. He was beaten, mocked, and mercilessly killed despite the fact that He was completely innocent. Even a convicted thief defended Him against another. The three were on the cross. The first mocked Him and the second defended our Lord, stating that they deserved their punishment, but this Man had done nothing to deserve crucifixion.

Even a Roman guard admitted, "Surely this Man was the Son of God." But it was too late. By this time, Christ's body lay limp, mangled, and beaten to the point that it was not recognizable. Good Friday? Our Savior suffered a terribly painful death in the face of mockery.

He could have silenced their cruel mockery in an instant and halted the pain. He didn't, and that's why this day is celebrated. He would have been completely justified in stopping his execution and condemning the masses then and there. He had done nothing wrong.

He continued on for your sake and for mine. He who knew no sin became sin for us and took upon Himself the death of the cross. Through His death, we may have life eternal. Through His torment, we have peace. Through His death, we have newness of life.

That is why it is a good Friday. He gave everything so we could have life fully, so that we would never know the condemnation for our sins. So that we would forever be justified in the eyes of a righteous God. Christ died that we may live.

Today, may you and I remember the suffering of our God so that we can live. May we each at least thank Him today for everything He went through.

Thursday, March 28, 2013

Not knowing is the worst!

So much of my life is dependent on variables that I have little or no control over. It's overwhelming to think that my life could be forever changed by one little thing. I suppose this is always true, but here, my future hangs in the balance. Unfortunately, there are more than one things that could sway the direction I must go.

Not knowing how these pieces will fall constantly threatens to stress and overwhelm me. I keep re-trusting God with the particulars, but the worries keep popping up. It's like an emotional game of whack a mole. It used to be that they would pop up all the time, very unappreciated. For the most part, I have these worries under control.

However, today, something happened that sprang the game into full-force action. I missed a call from my husband's supervisor. The possibilities of what he was going to say seem to taunt me. Is he losing his job? Is my stuff on its way soon? Is he getting re-assigned? Is he going to jail? The possibilities seem endless, and, of course, when I tried to return the phone call, he wasn't available.

I wish there were a way to unplug the whack a mole game that plays in my mind and plays with my emotions. Unfortunately, I don't know how. I do know that God will provide no matter what, but my next steps depend so much on what is decided.

The best thing for me to do is trust and rest in God's amazing care, but I find myself worrying through each situation. My mind races through the possible endings, trying to ascertain my appropriate and most logical respond to each scenario. It's driving me a little crazy, but I don't know how to turn my mind off.

While not knowing may be the worst, trusting is certainly the most important. I am trying. I will certainly need to give it all to God again. He leads step by step, not year by year. I need to remember that just as He is supplying for my needs now, He will in the future as well. One step at a time. 

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Pick a state, any state

I've been attempting to figure out my future with my daughter. It's been amusing, to say the least. I've come to the realization that I really don't know what I'll be doing or where I'll be. Here are some examples:

I have that the southeast is the region for me. I despise the cold, so that's an easy one. And I really don't care for the dry heat of the west. Southeast it is! Or so you would think. And yet, my mind has placed us frontiering in Montana and living well in Thailand. But both of those were quickly squelched. Montana is cold, despite the website that said it doesn't get too cold in Montana. I was sure it did, though, so I did some digging. It "only" gets to -20 instead of -60. I can't comprehend either of those temperatures, so that's definitely not for me! And Thailand, aside from it being way too far away, a friend told me it's known for cross-dressing and prostitution. Definitely not where I'd like to raise my little girl.

So, back to the southeast... again. I've thought about every single southeast state for varying reasons. I looked up the best cities to raise a family. Waco, Texas and Virginia Beach, Virginia were both listed. Those could both work. I've seriously looked into the foothills of the Appalachians in Tennessee. But it seemed lonely to be a single mom out there all by myself. So, I think I'd like something a little bigger, but smaller than a large city. That hardly narrows it down. I know people in Florida, and it would neat to move and already be with friends, but I'd have to find a suitable place, and I'm not sure that Florida has the southern charm I'm looking for.

Essentially, I really have no clue where I'll end up. It would be so much easier if I had to be somewhere. I just don't want to move just to move again and again. I'd like to put down some roots somewhere. Feel free to share your suggestions. Until then, maybe I should pin a map of the southeast over a dartboard. It kinda feels like that's what I'm doing. The future is a mystery. I guess I've just gotta keep putting one foot in front of the other, but it sure is fun to dream.

Monday, March 25, 2013

Do what's best, not what's easy

I watched a documentary the other day that was talking about food, but I found one part of it that I have applied to much of my life. They said that as part of our human nature, we go for the easier road, even if that means it's the worst option for us. That was one thing that really stuck out to me, though it was a small point in the whole documentary. As I was thinking about it, I came up with this concise phrase: "Do what's best, not what's easy."

I've found that this little sentence has really helped me in many of my daily tasks, especially as I fight depression. It's so easy to do a slip-shod job or let things slide entirely. This reminder has helped me improve much of my life. Things are cleaner, I'm eating better, and I am not procrastinating!

The neat thing is that this has really brightened my mood! I'm happier without an unending list of things I didn't do trailing behind me as I gaze at the growing list of things yet to be done. It's nice to be able to walk unencumbered, knowing that things are done well when they need to be done. It's put a lightness to my step and seems to have brightened my days. I literally notice the sun more!

Did I mention that I'm eating better? Remember my goal to gain weight? It's rough getting all those calories in a safe way, especially because I'm also endeavoring to eat more fruits and vegetables. Today, I haven't even had dinner, and yet I'm less than 300 calories away from my goal. I'm embarrassed to actually admit not just to you, but to myself, that part of my problem with gaining weight was sheer laziness. Isn't that terrible? I shudder at the realization. But there it is, the hard truth. Perhaps now that I'm deciding to do what's best and not what's easy, I'll be able to gain weight very soon.

It's amazing how vicious a cycle depression is. You're depressed, so you let daily tasks slide. Those daily tasks constantly nag you, and you're more depressed, so you do less. It's a terribly sticky mud that you soon discover is sinking sand. Praise God for throwing me a vine. I had to pass it on!

Sunday, March 24, 2013

Trying a new church today

Today, I will be enjoying fellowship with a new group of people. I have researched as much as I can about the church, and now it is time to go visit. The nice thing is that it is only 5 miles away. Not much gas spent at all!

Many churches seem to give more rules than the Bible does. According to them, if you don't do everything they say you should, then you're not a good Christian. I believe it is the Holy Spirit's job to convict and lead people. Granted, there are rules and guidelines in the Bible, but those things that are not specifically outlined by God should not be outlined by an organization of men.

The problem is, most of those churches who do not have such rules and guidelines often do not hold well to what the Bible says either. Holding to the Bible is imperative. If they don't believe that the Bible is God's Word, and live accordingly, then the church isn't for me.

It would also be nice to see the church reach out so that even as a newcomer, I may enjoy the fellowship of the believers. Especially in this stage of my life, I really need to be surrounded by people who will remind me of God's goodness. I hope to find such a group of people at this church.

I did listen to a couple of the messages they have online, and I must say, they were convicting, uplifting, engaging, and made the passages applicable to today. I am excited to go to church today for the next sermon! That is an amazing thing to be able to say!

I pray that each of my readers will be compelled to go to church today for spiritual and social refreshment. God loves you! I'm excited to go to a place where everyone loves Him, too!

Have a wonderful and blessed Lord's day!

Just Me

Saturday, March 23, 2013

Freedom from pain

There are times when grief would threaten to swallow me whole. And it would succeed if I let it. I am really trying to ward off depression, and thought I would share my ideas with you on how to have freedom from pain. I know I'm not the only one who goes through hard times.

First, I allow myself to hurt, but not to wallow in the pain. Sometimes things are painful, and we need to feel pain for awhile. We're in trouble when we allow the pain to control us.

Second, I write. I sit down and write out every worry, fear, and trouble that I have. This keeps me from constantly churning in inwardly. It gets it out of my system. It's even better when I can write to someone. And God has provided a wonderful friend who not only listens to my rantings, but also tells me what I need to hear. She is a wonderful encouragement to me!

Third, I pray. I tell God the truth. I tell Him it hurts and it doesn't seem fair. I tell Him that I don't know what to do next, so He'd better lead. I ask Him to help me follow, and I thank Him for working all things for good.

Fourth, I sing. I haven't found much that soothes the soul like singing a soft and moving melody. It calms me from the inside out.

Fifth, I make my daughter smile. Her smile gets me going again. It's hard to feel down and out when she's laughing. I actually recorded her laughing, and made that my alarm. It's a blessing to wake up to her laughter.

Sixth, I plan for the future. I can get caught up on the hardships of the past. Rather than doing that, I press on to the future, and imagine the life I will have.

Perhaps you are facing something. I hope this list helps. Let me know what you do to free yourself from pain that would otherwise consume you. We don't have to live consumed by pain and bitterness. I am determined to be free from pain... eventually.

Friday, March 22, 2013

100 day plan... On your mark...

I am still working on organizing my hundred day plan. I'm so close to being ready, though!!

I have three areas I will be working on:

My health
- Gain weight
- Exercise
- Be healthy!

My job
- Advertising for tutoring
- Applying for freelance jobs
- Writing E-books

My faith
- Daily devotionals
- Study the names of God and their meaning

My health is easy. I need to eat at least 2500 calories every day, and I will either do pilates or walk 4 days/week. I will also be working on de-stressing. I have an app that has 101 days to be happy with tasks for each day. I will be following that as I progress.

My job is going to be a bit more tricky. I will need to figure out a plan of attack. Right now, I have nebulous thoughts, but they're not organized into something workable. I need to figure out my goal for 100 days, and then set monthly, weekly, and finally daily goals from that.

My faith needs to be strengthened. I figure the best way to do that is through an in-depth study of God. As I study who He is, I won't be able to help but fall at His feet in worship.
I will be following the blue letter Bible's study as a resource.

By next week, I should have it started, and I will let you know more at that point.

Thursday, March 21, 2013

So what/ Now what?

I had mentioned the Successful Single Mom book that I had read earlier. It really did help a ton! One of the things she mentioned was the "So what/ Now what" principle. I've found this particularly helpful-- and challenging!

My husband did so many horrible things to me and my family. I find my mind wandering to the place of anger as I turn the things in my memory over and over and over again. The point of this principle is to catch yourself thinking of the past, shrug it off, and say "So what? Now what?" Thereby, letting go of these incredibly painful memories, and moving the thoughts on to the plans for my future.

It's difficult, because my human nature wants to fume over how horrible he was. But that is the root of bitterness. I must leave the judgment in God's hands. Really, the opportunity to dream up a future with my daughter is a tremendous blessing! So, today I'm going to share some random dreams that I have thought of. Don't think me silly.

One of my favorite childhood memories is walking to the duck pond to feed the ducks. I cannot wait to take my daughter in hand, walk down to a small body of water, and watch her jump excitedly as she throws in little bits of stale bread.

I look forward to taking her camping, teaching her how to build a fire. I love camping! So this will be quite the adventure!

I can't wait to teach her to cook, and tell her that she and I can cook anything she wants. I imagine I'll be learning with her on some things, but that will be part of the excitement!

I have all sorts of crafts saved on Pinterest. That's wonderful, because I'm excellent at being able to find crafts for 1st graders and older, but younger than that... I need all the help I can get! I've found incredible crafts that will be really inexpensive, so that's exciting!

I can't wait to see her reaction when she first sees the exotic animals at the zoo!

There are so many other dreams I have, but I'll stop here for your sake. I would love to hear the favorite activities that you do with your kids, or the dreams that you have for your kids. Let's dream together!!

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Buried in research

I am a research fiend, and the last few days, I have been buried in research. Planning a life from scratch is hard work, but I discovered that there are more possibilities than I could have ever imagined.

After discovering that I couldn't afford the mobile home community I found, I began searching for cheaper options. Everything was either to expensive or in terrible parts of town until I discovered building your own homestead. I found that people make homes out of shipping containers, wood, you name it! I was fascinated, but decided it wasn't right for me.

So then I decided to look for something in the size I wanted and the price range I needed. It was then that it dawned on me that I could go for small and affordable for a few years and transition to the size I wanted later.

I'm now looking for 1 bedroom apartments for less than $500/month, and I've found some very descent options! The days ahead will be focused on finding one, and I'll be living like a pauper until I get my car, but it is all doable. I think.

I'm still crunching numbers, but I'm encouraged that possibilities do exist. Praise God for that! Above all, I know that He will take care of me. I'm just not sure how at the moment. One step at a time. :)

Monday, March 18, 2013

The wide, wide world

When I first left state A, part of the thing that kept my spirits up was the knowledge of a fresh start. I could go anywhere! It was exhilarating and exciting!

Time has passed, and I've begun the process of elimination for the place that shall be home for my daughter and me. I had thought that I had found the perfect place, but I have discovered that there are more affordable options on the market.

I have mixed feeling about this realization. On the one hand, I have my pick of where to land. On the other, Wow! What a responsibility! I despise the cold, and I love the southeast, so I'm fairly certain I'll settle somewhere in the southeast. We shall see.

I would like my home to be settled in a small, quaint community that is no more than 30 minutes from a bustling metropolis. If I weren't looking at tutoring for my sustenance, I would be thrilled with living in the country. As it is, I must compromise and be just outside of city limits. This poses a problem, because most cities are still growing, so while I may find a quiet place now, 10 years from now, I may be in among the hubbub. It's a difficult thing to consider.

But, I do at least have rules for my ideal location.

1. It must be safe.

I will, after all, be a single mother with a baby girl. Absolutely no masculine presence to keep the wolves at bay. A small quiet town makes sense for this, but isn't a necessity, of course.

2. It must be warm.

I figure, not only do I despise the cold, but if I live in a more temperate climate, I'll save on heating bills as well. I don't mind the heat, so a hot summer doesn't scare me in the slightest.

3. It must be accessible to a large number of people.

People mean families, families mean children, and children mean tutoring possibilities. While it may be possible to glean clients from a small community, I will be more likely to find clients from a bustling metropolis.

4. I have preferences, but not necessities:
-- In the southeast
-- Near someone I know
-- Free activities my daughter and I can enjoy (ponds, parks, etc.)
-- A good church just around the corner
-- Everything for the mobile home would be $600 or less per month

I have a long time to consider my options and make a decision, and I have so many plausible options running through my head. It's kinda amusing. Only God can see the future, and as long as I'm doing all I can to do my best for my daughter and I, then I must trust that God will lead me to the perfect place for my little family. God leads. I just hope that I will know His hand and follow. This is one of the many reasons I must draw near to Him daily. God gives grace, and I praise Him for that! He will surely lead me home!

Sunday, March 17, 2013

Watching the sunrise

Hello everyone!

My internet had a bug, so I wasn't able to write for a bit. Thank you for your patience. I do have some good news! I mentioned a few days or weeks ago that I was inspired to look into free legal aid again. I need to call Tuesday to apply, but they do indeed have a system in place!!! This is a huge weight off my shoulders!

I also found out that I am eligible for free counseling, which I desperately need! I've found myself battling wrong thinking. It would be nice to talk with someone who has helped other women get through what I'm going through. It's felt awfully lonely and isolating going through something with the knowledge that I don't know anyone else who has had to deal with this. It's easier when you can look at how other people handled things for inspiration on what to do yourself. It'll be good. They offer support groups and private counseling. Healing is on the horizon!

They also have transitional housing that will be a place my daughter and I can stay in until I am prepared to face the world up till a certain period of time has passed. It will be a private place for just me and my daughter to set up our own family routines and start feeling like our own little family. The neat thing is that they won't just kick me out once I have enough income, but they will wait until I have healed more emotionally.

I have not fully decided which of these opportunities I will take part it, but it is good to know that they are available to me. I'm really not sure how to decide. I'm hoping when I call on Tuesday I'll be able to talk about all of these possibilities so that I might make a more informed decision. Pray for wisdom and God to lead clearly.

I do love the fact that the nightmare is coming to an end. While I can't say it's over, I do believe I see the sky preparing for a sunrise. I can't wait until my life is filled with the happy colors of a safe, happy, and peaceful life. And then, Lord willing, the sky will be filled with light for so long that I'll actually take it for granted. Although, really, I don't know that I'll ever be able to do less than at least breathe a sigh of relief that we're safe with no one threatening our existence.

I can only compare my anticipation for this safe, peaceful life with my anticipation for the Lord's return. Hope is swelling in my soul at just the thought. "Even so, Come Lord Jesus!"

Friday, March 15, 2013

Book for sale

Someone who really had good intentions sent me a book. It's called Healing Your Marriage When Trust is Broken. However, rather than leaving out of feeling worn out of marriage and emotionally spent, I am leaving literally for my safety and my daughter's safety. Therefore, unless God intervenes directly in my husband's life, I do not see things changing.

With that in mind, I would like to offer this book to one of my readers. My prayer is that one of you is in a place that you need it, because I would rather pass it on to you than just toss it. It's brand new and I ask $8 to be sent to paypal via I'll send it in the mail as soon as I get the money and your address. I promise that the entire transaction will be completely confidential.

Thursday, March 14, 2013


Friends are ships that sail the seas
Adjusting sails to match the breeze.
Sometimes the ships go separate ways
To oceans, rivers, and to bays.

Although the space is often great,
You never know; you have to wait.
You may just see a sail again
Proclaiming, "Wait! I see a friend!"

I just finished speaking with someone who I haven't spoken to in years. While I reached out to this person in this instance, since I left state A, there have been multiple friends who have reached out to me.

I left state A totally devastated on December 26th. I had a good friend send me a message on Facebook on January 6th. She and I hadn't talked in years. Literally. We've since talked on the phone, laughed, cried, and determined to be a part of each other's lives. Wow! God works!

On March 6th, Another really good friend reached out to me. She and I chatted on Facebook, but she commented how amazing it was that we could pick up and talk like no time had passed, though it has been years. She cried for me, stating that she knows I have a hard time crying through hard times. It was amazing speaking with someone who understands me!

Besides that, there have been a couple people who have really been a part of my life consistently, but they have been an amazing support! And then there's the amazing friendship that formed because she read my blog and sent me an email on February 5th... and we've been emailing almost every day since then. I treasure this and every other friendship I have, and I am amazed that God brought these people into my life right now. He must be doing this because He loves me! The God of the universe cares for me! And cares enough to just send people, because He knows that's what I need.

With that said, if you've considered reaching out, perhaps this is just the nudge you need. And the nudge I need as well. I'm going to branch this beyond myself and spread it to everyone you know. If you have been thinking about reaching out to someone... do it! Set apart a time in the next week to at least wave your sails! May God bless the friendships that bless and enrich our lives!

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Watching God work

I briefly mentioned the other day that I was pursuing starting a business. For the best interests of my business endeavors, I'm not going to tell you too much about it until it's actually up and running, but for now, I absolutely must share an amazing story of God working.

I needed to purchase a domain name. A domain name is just a website name. Anyway, I knew what I wanted, and it was available! Like most of us, I saw what I wanted, and I wanted to jump on it. I tried. I placed an order, searched for a promotion code, and applied it. Against all odds, the promotion code actually increased the total amount due. I placed my domain name on hold and called their customer service. While I was receiving what they called customer service, I did a quick search of the company. They had terrible ratings! Reviews were horrible! And with the lady on the phone, I knew why.

I found it on another site. This was a better site and a better rate! Because I had the domain name on hold, I could transfer it to their site for a reduced rate of $11 altogether. That was cheaper than the other place by $4. Ok. Let's go for it! I attempted, and put in my information, but the site didn't take me to my cart. When I finally found my cart, it was empty. At this time, my mom wanted something, so I left it as it was and went to hang out with my mom.

I was feeling somewhat frustrated with the whole ordeal until today. My hold on the domain expired this morning, and this afternoon, I received an email from mypoints stating that I could earn 1,000 points by getting a domain name for less than $5. This was too good to be true, and I jumped on it.

This is such a small thing for God to watch out for, but until it was the best deal, I could not move forward. I had inexplicable problems until God had His best held to me. Perhaps it's true that sometimes God blesses us through things we perceive as hardships, just because we're trying to rush things to fit our schedule.

This fact makes me re-evaluate everything in my life. I think I'll see once more if I can be eligible for free legal aid given the circumstances. Pray that God leads me to His best.

Thank you all!

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Music helps, so thank you.

Dear friends,

After my post yesterday, three people sent different songs to me. They were all soothing reminders of God's hand in my life. I listened to them all multiple times. I cannot tell you how much that means to me.

I'll go ahead and share them with you all, and ask that if you can think of a soothing song to help deal with grief, leave it in the comments or email them to me. Thank you all, again.

Blessings by Laura Story

Beautiful by MercyMe

Grace by SoundForth

I also had people share Bible verses and have decided to make a notebook of all the verses I receive from my readers.

My favorite gift has been the friends I've made through this. Ok, really, I've made one new amazing friend, and other friendships have been deepened. If you've reached out to me, I greatly appreciate it!!

The most influential gift I have received is all the prayer. I started this blog so that people could pray with knowledge. So if you are visiting my blog just to see the prayer requests, thank you!

I don't know if I know you, but I do appreciate you. Thank you for stopping by, and have a blessed day!

Just Me

Is this a normal part of grief?

There are days when I feel like I could conquer the world! I know I'm doing what's right, and the person who did me so wrong can stay away forever! These day, I feel like the world is a happy place. I already feel successful, and like I can do this all on my own.

Then days like today hit, and I feel defeated. I know I'm doing what's right, but why does it have to be this way? This isn't how my life is supposed to be, and I'm not sure how to make it all better.

These are two totally different views of my life. And I switch from one to the other. Truth be told, I typically work really hard to get up to the conquering place, and then I fall all to easily back down to grief and defeat.

I wish I knew a way to stay up there.

I think the hardest thing about grief is not knowing who I will be in the morning or how hopeful I'll be. For example, last night I fell asleep happy, had a stressful dream about dealing with the divorce, and woke up with this sad feeling that I haven't been able to shake off all day.

Because I know I'm doing the right thing, shouldn't it be logical to stay on top of the world? Perhaps it's time I figure out how to grieve and just let myself. I've been thinking that my daughter needs me to get our life back in order, and she does. But maybe I should deal with the grief first. I think I need to call someone who knows what they're talking about, because I am thoroughly confused!

Monday, March 11, 2013

Additional work

After yesterday's post, I received two "hugs." I have people who care! I decided that I should look more closely at my income and find ways to tweek that rather than just looking at my expenses.

I have been accepted to do data entry at It's $.30 per 1,000 characters, and that's not much,  but it's something at least! I figure when I have down time, I can do half an hour here and there and get a bit of extra money each month.

I have also decided that I should write e-books. I told a friend of this idea, and she was so supportive! She says I'm an excellent writer and she wants to read what I write. I figure I can write about things I know, and get extra money later whenever people buy the book.

I'm also starting a business. It will eventually be hugely successful, but for now, the start-up costs are overwhelming, even though they're not much in the grand scheme of things. It will make things tighter for the next couple years, and then when money starts really coming in, it will make things so much easier.

On top of those, I am trying to find students to tutor, I am writing for a company, and I am making little tiny bits here and there through sites like swagbucks, etc.

I also had a friend mention to me yesterday that I could do in-home day care. It's a good idea, and one that I will have to look into.

Overall, it's working out. If anyone has other ideas, I would love to hear them!

Sunday, March 10, 2013

Psalm 37:25

I have been young, and now am old; yet have I not seen the righteous forsaken, nor his seed begging bread. -- Psalm 37:25.

I wrote about balancing a flexible budget the other day. I told you that my expenses were more than I anticipated, but it was acheivable. The more I think about it, the more concerned I am. I am re-thinking everything, and feeling really vulnerable. All I want to do is curl up by my man and let him hold me and tell me that everything will be ok, because he's there. I miss him so much, but there is no way that I can trade my safety and my daughter's safety for the emotional solace a marriage brings. So, no more looking back. I must look forward and try to figure out how to make things work.

I need lots of prayer for wisdom. I need to know what I should do. The expenses are huge in comparison to the flexible income I'll be receiving. The major thing I didn't expect to be so big is the utility bill. I called the mobile home park, and they said I should budget around $400/month. I was hoping for so much less. The good thing is that it has a fireplace, so that can help in the winter, and in the summer, maybe we'll just get a bit toasty. But I have a hard time imagining cutting down more than $100/month on utility usage. I'd originally thought I could budget $100/month for utilities. Ha!

My lawyer said I should apply for disability, but I really don't want to. If I can work, I don't want the weight of responsibility to lay on the people of America. Yet, I can't hold down a job. Tutoring really did seem like the perfect idea, but I'm finding it difficult to find students.

I am fully aware that there is much time before I need to be worrying, and all this just after me saying that I'm so much like the Israelites! Oh me of little faith.

I went to google to look up the reference for Psalm 37:25. As I got there, it said "Don't panick" With an arrow flashing to the words. I just don't know how to provide for my daughter and myself. Anyone care to send a hug to help make me feel better?

Saturday, March 9, 2013

Deep thoughts on roots

My mom, brother and I all worked in the sun yesterday, attempting to uproot some bushes. We trimmed all the branches off, dug around, and tried with all our might to pull them out of the ground. After hours of labor, the only results we were able to acheive were sore muscles. The roots would not come up.

My mind immediately went to various Bible passages that discuss roots, especially Ephesians 3. I spent much of the day thinking about how if we're firmly rooted and grounded in love, nothing will move us. And this of course brought to mind Romans 8. It was a wonderful day filled with God's blessings in my mind.

It was particularly intriguing when my brother said that last year the bushes they pulled were much easier to pull, but that was because the branches were closer together and so were the roots. These bushes branched out, and their roots did as well. It dawned on me that roots grow first, so really, that which the world sees is a reflection of the roots. So, if we are rooted in bitterness, our roots can't spread out and grow, whereas if we are rooted and grounded in love, we can know the love of Christ, which passes knowledge. Our roots will go deep and spread out and people will see the result of a life deeply rooted in God.

I will have to do a word study through the Bible, because verses with the word "root" now have a fuller and clearer picture. It dawns on me that many of the people in Bible times were familiar with agriculture, whereas we're really not. I would love to live like the people did back then for a little while just to deepen my understanding of God's Word.

If anyone knows of a book that talks about their lives and how the Bible references, I am so interested, please let me know!

I do encourage all of you to dig your roots into the Bible, so that nothing can pull you out, even in the worst of circumstances. Happy reading!

Thursday, March 7, 2013

Only by God's grace or Just like the Israelites

I spent a day just dealing with things a few days ago. God really got ahold of my heart and showed me that I need to change. Since that time, I've been seeking Him first... or trying to. I've actually come upon a shocking truth: I'm just like the Israelites!

As Moses was leading the Israelites out of the land of Egypt, God provided again and again and again. Yet the Israelites worried at every opportunity.

So did I apparently...

I was in a terrible situation, and I was terrified. God gave me the wisdom to reach out to a family in church, and they supplied a ride to the airport. I didn't have money for a plane ride, and neither did they. I thought I might be stuck in a horrible situation, but my parents knew of the situation and helped me get to safety by buying a plane ticket. After visiting my sister, I was actually flying back to state A, but the flights were full and I was stranded in state B and spent the day with my mom. I was dreading going back to state A, so I decided to hang out with my mom for a few days. A few days turned into more than a week, and as I was enjoying time with my mom, I started looking at the laws for a divorce. God plopped me in the absolute best state for my situation. The laws in state A and state B dovetail perfectly to keep my daughter safe. But then I needed to wait 6 months and I needed a lawyer.

I worried about both things, sometimes unable to sleep until God finally led me to the lawyer I have now. But then I needed $2,500, and I had barely any money. Wow. Ok. Now what? Seriously? How am I ever going to pay for this??? I tried hard to give it to God, but it just seemed so overwhelming. That's about when my sister stepped in and loaned me much of the money. I still need maybe $600 more dollars. You know the terrible thing? I felt like God was providing for maybe a few minutes, and then I was back to worrying! I was worrying about buying diapers and wipes and paying the lawyer and all this other nonsense. I've come to the conclusion that I really hate money. Anyway... I was worrying about the diapers and wipes, but God provided a great deal on disposable diapers that I'll get next week. I just got a 500 ct wipe refill pack for $.69, and I have a friend who will sell me cloth diapers for a really good deal whenever I do have the money. So all that's going well, right? And then I find myself worrying AGAIN! I have decided that I am going to make one long list of everything that I need. I'm going to get the things I need, and trust that God will provide as I read Him the entire list.

Why is it so hard to trust God? I can tell story after story of Him taking care of me in absolutely miraculous ways! I know God is real, because He's worked miracles in my life. So, knowing that my God is a powerful God who has worked for me in the past, and is working for me in the present, why in the world to I worry about Him not providing in the future?

God is good. I am so blessed to know Him. He is my Father, and I am so glad that if I ask for a fish, He will not give me a serpent, or a stone instead of a loaf of bread. My future is in His hands. I sure hope I can keep my grubby worrisome fingers off of it! Only by God's grace. It amazes me that I need His help to properly serve Him. "It is He that worketh in you both to will and to do of His good pleasure." Only by God's grace.

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Balancing a flexible budget

I listed my expected income the other day. While it will provide the income necessary, none of it is a guaranteed check. It is considered, as I have learned, a flexible income. To balance a flexible income, you need a flexible budget. The more I researched, the more I learned, and I thought I would share with y'all!

In my research, I found 2 articles that helped me the most. I'm posting them here for your reference.

Now, the first one may be geared towards income changing annually instead of all the time, but it still had some powerful insights. From it I gleaned that I should be able to live off of the least possible amount of money I'll be bringing in. I suppose it's technically possible that I'll have no income for a time, but that is why I want a substantial safety net. That way, if I need to go down to just child support and alimony, I can pull from savings, food storage, and try desperately hard to find new students to tutor.

The second link talks about practically developing a flexible income. This is good, because I was confused about how to start. After reading it, it all makes sense, and I believe it is attainable. According to this link, I should make 2 separate lists. One of necessary monthly expenses, and one of wants. The necessary expenses should be bare necessities, like the smallest amount that I could spend on food. The want list I am going to organize by most important to least important. Because the least I could spend on food is pretty skimpy, I'd add food to the want list as well, and buy those things that I'd like to have, even if it's not necessarily a necessity.

So, in adding up my necessities, I see the least amount of money I will need to make ends meet. I will admit that it's more than I had originally thought, but it's attainable. And now I have a very realistic goal to meet!

If you have any tips on balancing a flexible budget, I'd love to hear from you! If you were looking into making a flexible budget yourself, then I pray this was a blessing for you. God bless, and as always, I thank each one of you for your prayers.

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Taking a day

I've been getting more and more overwhelmed. Today, I'm going to let the storm massage my senses, and I'll hopefully cry. I need an outlet. Thank you all for coming to visit my blog. I will post more tomorrow.

Monday, March 4, 2013

Money Making apps for Android

This is here with permission of the original poster. The links have not been changed because the author deserves the blessings and gratitude. Thank you for your time and this resource. You know who you are! :)

Coupon /money making apps for Android:
Ibotta, Shopkick, Checkpoints, Viggle , SBTV(SwagbucksTV), Cartwheel
Ibotta you choose what you'll buy out of their list before you go shopping and perform the tasks for each item, and then go shopping at a participating store. Upload a picture of your receipt to get credited. Each item has a price associated with it, typically between $0.50 and $1.00. I consider it an extra coupon, though it gets credited to PayPal or a gift card of your choice. If you use the link, you start with a $2 "newbie" bonus.

Shopkick has points (kickbucks) you earn by clicking through "lookbooks" and clicking on the stars. Once you've unlocked specific stores, you can also earn points by walking into a store with the app on, and scanning allocated items with your app. You can exchange the kickbucks for gift cards. The exchange rate is typically 250 kickbucks for $1, though some things are more expensive to redeem.
Checkpoints has specific stores you “check into” to earn points. Inside each store, you scan specific items to get points, and scanning the items rewards coins you can use to play games and earn even more points. The redemptions vary, but a $1 Amazon gift card is 335 points. A $5 Best Buy gift card is 1,760 points. Bonus code: “newmie”

Viggle is best used with Direct TV, though it can work with other companies. As you’re watching TV, open the app, and it can tell you what you’re watching and reward points accordingly. It won’t let me read the privacy policy, so I have not personally used it. Perhaps someone else can provide details.

Swag Bucks TV is an addendum to the Swag Bucks on your computer. Swag Bucks rewards points for your searches and other things, including watching SBTV (Swag Bucks TV.) This is where the app comes in. You can use your phone to watch SBTV and earn points, but the limit is a $0.50/day. You can exchange the points for various things, my favorite being an Amazon gift card. To begin Swag Bucks on your computer, follow this link: 

Cartwheel is a newer app for Target. Its referral rewards are based on the number of facebook friends who have the app, so it does need to link to your facebook. It has a long list of coupons that you can  stack with Target coupons and Manufacturer coupons to get top deals! Better yet, you can use these "coupons" as many times as you need until they expire! For greater deals, use a Target Redcard to get an additional 5% off your entire purchase. The savings add up!

The links and key words are my personal referral links. You can thank me for my time and this resource by using the links provided. A bonus for you is that most of the referral links give an extra boost to your beginnings

The puzzle pieces of life are coming together

Unfortunately, I have no great updates on the divorce proceedings, except that my sister has offered to loan me the money I'll need. (THANK YOU!!!!)

However, I have been focusing a lot on how to get my life back in order. Here are some of the puzzle pieces:

Goals to meet:
Before moving to live on my own, I need to have accomplished this list:
All debts paid off, except maybe the car loan
The car fixed so it's safe and in good running condition
At least 10 students to tutor every week
$2,000 in the bank as just in case money

My main income will be tutoring. Beyond that, I'll be making a little money where I can including
Freelance writing, especially on Elance
Money-making apps. Someone posted a list of these on Facebook. I'll post it tomorrow.
Swagbucks,, and

My health and my desire to stay home with my daughter as much as possible are preventing me from finding a traditional job. I want to raise my daughter, not day care, not a friend, and not a relative. That is my dream, and thankfully, God is showing a way. Tutoring is something I enjoy, and yet it also brings good money. I can envision my life, and I like what I see. If anyone has ideas for how to find a students to tutor, please email me or leave a comment below. As always, thank you for your prayers.