There are days when I feel like I could conquer the world! I know I'm doing what's right, and the person who did me so wrong can stay away forever! These day, I feel like the world is a happy place. I already feel successful, and like I can do this all on my own.
Then days like today hit, and I feel defeated. I know I'm doing what's right, but why does it have to be this way? This isn't how my life is supposed to be, and I'm not sure how to make it all better.
These are two totally different views of my life. And I switch from one to the other. Truth be told, I typically work really hard to get up to the conquering place, and then I fall all to easily back down to grief and defeat.
I wish I knew a way to stay up there.
I think the hardest thing about grief is not knowing who I will be in the morning or how hopeful I'll be. For example, last night I fell asleep happy, had a stressful dream about dealing with the divorce, and woke up with this sad feeling that I haven't been able to shake off all day.
Because I know I'm doing the right thing, shouldn't it be logical to stay on top of the world? Perhaps it's time I figure out how to grieve and just let myself. I've been thinking that my daughter needs me to get our life back in order, and she does. But maybe I should deal with the grief first. I think I need to call someone who knows what they're talking about, because I am thoroughly confused!