Saturday, May 18, 2013

No such thing as "Good Grief!"

I have been trying to work through my grief, and one of the things I've noticed is that I'll be doing great, and then I'll hit a slump where I just feel defeated and sad. I picked up a book about grief from the library, and it said that people working through grief often go from happy to sad and vacillate between the two.

While I know that what I'm going through is normal, I really want to stop the slumps before they even start. I am asking for your help on this. I know most of my readers are not licensed psychologists, but I imagine that all of you have gone through hard times. I would like to know how you keep from getting down after a devastating experience.

My trouble is that I'll be doing great, but the smallest thing will set my emotions reeling. For example, last week I drove to Once upon a Child to try to sell some of the things my daughter had outgrown. There were some very cute outfits and a bouncer. I thought for sure I'd get at least $10 and make up for the gas I spent getting there. Instead, they bought nothing. My mom echoed what I was already thinking when she said it seemed like a waste of gas. I kicked myself all the way home and just got moody. When my mom asked what was wrong, I sheepishly admitted that even the smallest defeats like that tip my emotional scale. She tenderly said it was just because my emotions are still tender.

I imagine it may be like a bruise. Any time you bump a bruise, it hurts. If you ignore it, it may ache, but you can pretty well go about your day without noticing it. I know that if I let God and time heal my aching heart, the slumps will slowly go away. Unfortunately, I'm a single mom now. I need to be able to be a successful tutor, a dedicated freelance writer, a devoted mother, and take care of myself. When my emotions get out of whack, it's hard to do it all and hurt, too.

I went to get my car fixed a few weeks ago. One of the tires had picked up a nail. They fixed it for free and offered me insurance for my tires. I was instantly distrustful, and had the most terrible time trying to make a decision about whether or not to get the insurance. I spoke to a pastor about it, and he said that it seemed to him that I have so many big decisions to make that the little decisions just overwhelm me right now. He added that he thought I was making good big decisions, and suggested I just get by for a little bit. But, I still don't know how to make these little day to day decisions. In fact, I still haven't decided whether or not to insure the tires. There's just too much grief in the way.

Is there a way that you have found to express your pain so you can continue to focus on life? I would really appreciate some ideas, even if you read this long after I publish the page. I just need some direction on how to deal with the hurt so that it's not affecting my life so much. Is there a way to grieve "silently?" All answers are appreciated

1 comment:

  1. I am sorry you've been having such a rough time with all of this. God never said it would be easy, but he did promise to be right by our side the whole way. It helps to have a support system (which I know you pretty much already do) I am here anytime you need to chat. I wish we lived closer so we could get out and do things, let the kids play together, and just have mommy time and breathe. I have come to realize that my things are never gonna be good enough for once upon a child even with tags on them still. I refuse to sell to them anymore. We either donate them or sell them to other people in need. You might try posting a picture on facebook, or twitter, craigs list, or even ebay if you want to get money for your items. The down fall with that is if they don't live close then you have to worry about shipping cost. You might also run an ad in your local paper for a week or so and see if you have any buyers. Good luck what ever your choice may be. Prayers for you and your family.