I have been trying to work through my grief, and one of the things I've noticed is that I'll be doing great, and then I'll hit a slump where I just feel defeated and sad. I picked up a book about grief from the library, and it said that people working through grief often go from happy to sad and vacillate between the two.
While I know that what I'm going through is normal, I really want to stop the slumps before they even start. I am asking for your help on this. I know most of my readers are not licensed psychologists, but I imagine that all of you have gone through hard times. I would like to know how you keep from getting down after a devastating experience.
My trouble is that I'll be doing great, but the smallest thing will set my emotions reeling. For example, last week I drove to Once upon a Child to try to sell some of the things my daughter had outgrown. There were some very cute outfits and a bouncer. I thought for sure I'd get at least $10 and make up for the gas I spent getting there. Instead, they bought nothing. My mom echoed what I was already thinking when she said it seemed like a waste of gas. I kicked myself all the way home and just got moody. When my mom asked what was wrong, I sheepishly admitted that even the smallest defeats like that tip my emotional scale. She tenderly said it was just because my emotions are still tender.
I imagine it may be like a bruise. Any time you bump a bruise, it hurts. If you ignore it, it may ache, but you can pretty well go about your day without noticing it. I know that if I let God and time heal my aching heart, the slumps will slowly go away. Unfortunately, I'm a single mom now. I need to be able to be a successful tutor, a dedicated freelance writer, a devoted mother, and take care of myself. When my emotions get out of whack, it's hard to do it all and hurt, too.
I went to get my car fixed a few weeks ago. One of the tires had picked up a nail. They fixed it for free and offered me insurance for my tires. I was instantly distrustful, and had the most terrible time trying to make a decision about whether or not to get the insurance. I spoke to a pastor about it, and he said that it seemed to him that I have so many big decisions to make that the little decisions just overwhelm me right now. He added that he thought I was making good big decisions, and suggested I just get by for a little bit. But, I still don't know how to make these little day to day decisions. In fact, I still haven't decided whether or not to insure the tires. There's just too much grief in the way.
Is there a way that you have found to express your pain so you can continue to focus on life? I would really appreciate some ideas, even if you read this long after I publish the page. I just need some direction on how to deal with the hurt so that it's not affecting my life so much. Is there a way to grieve "silently?" All answers are appreciated