I have heard from a few different readers that they do not view my blog as much because I have been somewhat inconsistent lately. I would like to explain that inconsistency, and then try to improve it.
I have been going through some very stressful times lately, and I have a hard time knowing how to deal with the stressful days. I have two defaults: 1. Stop eating. Not intentionally, but I just don't get hungry, hours and hours pass, and then I realize it, and try to make up for the lack of eating. Some people eat a ton when they get stressed, I do the opposite. 2. Clam up. And this is the cause of the inconsistency. When things are hard, I tend to keep to myself and "disappear." I fully recognize that neither of these are the best ways of dealing with stress, and if you have any suggestions, I'm all ears.
The depth of my struggles cannot be published for the world to see. It's not right to drag people through the mud or complain on a blog about how very difficult things are. Though sometimes I complain because I need someone to listen, and this is one place I can come and spill my heart without bothering anyone. I know that whoever clicks on my blog is looking to help support me, and that is a great relief. But I must write responsibly.
On the days when new things come up that I cannot share, I am at a loss of what to say, so I say nothing. Some days, I am able to think up a post, but not on the really, terribly difficult days. On those days, I often pull up my blog, stare at the empty page, and want so badly to let my fingers swiftly type about how cruel my circumstances are. I want so much to share what is on my heart, but I cannot, so I stare at a blank page until I eventually close the page and cry myself to sleep.
There are a few different ways I fix this situation. The first is that I could have "back-up" posts written that I fill in on different days. Another option is that I could just tell my readers openly that I'm going through an especially hard time, but cannot discuss it. They would be short snippets of posts, but it would at least be something. Then, on those days, you would know to pray for me especially hard. I suppose the best alternative is to combine those two.
I do so appreciate everyone's prayers! I know that eventually, my daughter and I will have made great strides on the journey towards peace. Eventually, our new life will have begun. Until then, my heart may be heavy often as new developments arise. I would appreciate prayers for wisdom about how to deal with those days.