I am having a very difficult time understanding how my husband can do everything he has done, and get away with it. It seems unjust and cruel to consider how freely he can throw money around while I literally pick up pennies from the street. He faces no consequences, except that my daughter and I left. It just seems that God should send His judgment now. Yet, God is long-suffering.
I consider how many many times God allowed sin to ruin the land of Israel and other nations before He finally sent His terrible judgment. In Sodom and Gomorrah, there were fewer than 10 righteous men within the city before God destroyed them in His judgment. I must consider the fact that perhaps God is waiting until there truly is no hope for the man I married before He unleashes judgment.
I do wish I saw some of God's judgment being wrought out right now. It would make it easier for me to accept everything. Don't get me wrong. My God is truly supplying my every need. It just seems that my husband's every need is being met as well. Yet, who am I to tell the one high God that I think He is misjudging or being too soft. His thoughts truly are higher than mine.
And I do know that all things will work out for good for me and my daughter. I know that He will lead us safely beside the still waters. I know that He will provide for my needs beyond all that I ask or think.
So then, why do I have such a hard time seeing my husband walk free, unencumbered with consequences from his sins? It seems that I have some soul-searching to do. Perhaps it is time for me to truly attempt to forgive the villain in my story. Perhaps only after I forgive him will I truly be able to accept God's guidance and blessings in my life.
It does seem like forgiving him is an impossible task, so please pray that I can move past my anger and resentment towards him as I forgive him in my heart. I do not want the root of bitterness to take hold of my heart. Please pray it away with me, and pray that I can grant forgiveness, leaving judgment entirely in God's worthy hands.