I have been trying so hard to put a positive spin on my situation and my emotions. Really, though, I am experiencing something I could only describe as grief. To be honest, I miss my husband so much. Despite all the despicable things he's done, I still love him. My dad says a part of me always will. There are times that the burden just seems impossibly large. And then I look at my daughter.
For my daughter's sake, I push on despite the loneliness and fear. She and I laughed together today. It was wonderful! I've always enjoyed a baby's laughter, but when the baby is mine and I see the joy in her eyes and the trickle of laughter that builds into an amazingly sweet and full-bodied laugh, it fills my heart with joy. The joy in her face thrills the deepest part of me, and for her and that joy, I press on.
She is sleeping in my arms as I type this. God has blessed me with an amazingly sweet daughter. She's about conquered rolling over now, and she's sat up on her own. Her lower front teeth are moving into position. Sometimes she cries from the pain, but for the most part, she is my sweet little girl. People are always commenting how sweet she is because she seldom fusses and rarely cries. I can't help but tell God how amazing the blessing of such a sweet daughter astounds me daily. If I have to be a single mom, then God is so amazing to bless me with such a sweet little girl. I truly cannot imagine my life without her.
I am so blessed! I cannot thank God enough.