It took things getting really, really bad for me to realize that I was indeed in an abusive relationship. And at that point, I messaged a group anonymously asking for advice about his problems of sexual predatoring. I spoke nothing of the abuse that was going on. It's hard to admit that you're being hurt, because you feel that you must be a part of the reason. You feel that admitting to the abuse means that you are worthy of the abuse. I'm still having a hard time understanding everything.
If you are in an abusive relationship, you must tell someone. The first person I told everything was my sister. I'll remember her words forever: "You know you can tell me anything, right?" Think of someone you used to feel super close to. Chances are, they still feel like you can tell them everything. If you can't think of someone, then call an abuse hotline and tell them everything. They are there to listen and help, so don't worry. They've heard this before. It's a safe place to call. The national domestic abuse hotline can be reached at 1−800−799−SAFE(7233).
This person should be able to help you. Your circumstance may mean that you need to leave immediately, but you may just need some time apart while your abusive partner seeks counseling. Do not feel like this is all your fault. Anything he gets is not your fault, but his own. His actions led to these consequences.
Before you tell him what is going on, have an escape plan set up. Know your facts! When I told him I was leaving, he spouted off things that would stop me. He said my daughter and I would lose insurance. I will lose insurance, but my daughter will not. He said no one would support me leaving. I told him that people from the Facebook group had already told me to leave. He told me that I didn't have money to leave, but I already had an escape plan. My parents were willing to pay for a plane ticket and I had friends who could pick me up from the house. He told me that I wouldn't get custody of my daughter. I hadn't researched this at the time, but my lawyer assures me that this is a tactic abusive people use. I just told him at the time that if I convince the court that he can't be a parent, and he convinces the court that I can't be a parent, then our daughter would go into the system. When I told my family that, they assured me that they would adopt my daughter and take me in so that I could still be her mom. You have more people willing to support you than you know. It is time to live a life apart from fear. Please email me if you need someone to talk to!