Sunday, February 24, 2013

Leaving a bad relationship pt. 1

Yesterday, I posted about the beauties of a godly relationship. That is the sort of relationship I wanted. That is the light I wanted to share with the world. I attempted to make up for my husband's abuse by being more submissive, but that only caused more control.

If you're in an abusive relationship, you're probably already making excuses on why yours isn't an abusive relationship. That's because you believe the lies. When I went to the hospital for what we thought was a broken bone, I was told it wasn't abuse, because he thought he could kick the door closed before my hand was in the dryer. I believed him. He went on to say that if I told the hospital the truth, he'd go to jail, and I didn't want him to go to jail, right? I still loved him, didn't I? So, I lied. Not only to the hospital, but to everyone. An abusive relationship is filled with lies, and the victim often becomes a part of them. By the way, a bruised bone hurts more than you can imagine-- especially when it's from someone you love.

If you're in an abusive relationship, you probably fear your spouse at times. Fear does not belong in a healthy relationship. If you are afraid of your husband when he is angry, then you need to seek counseling.

If you're in an abusive relationship, you can probably see cycles of behavior. My husband would go from abusive to apologetic to controling to abusive to apologetic, etc. Right now he is in his super sweet apologetic stage. It is so tempting to go back to him, but I must remind myself that this is a dangerous cycle. He thinks words can patch things up, but he needs counseling. Words are too easily said and dismissed.

If you're in an abusive relationship, you probably love your abuser. This is the reason that leaving is so hard. I loved, and still love my husband. I was determined that I could change him. It wasn't until my daughter was born that I realized just how bad things were. I wouldn't let his cycle hurt her. If you are in an abusive relationship, you need to realize that things are bad. I recommend that you first tell someone what is going on. Even just a small part of it.

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