The puzzle pieces of life are coming together

Unfortunately, I have no great updates on the divorce proceedings, except that my sister has offered to loan me the money I'll need. (THANK YOU!!!!)

However, I have been focusing a lot on how to get my life back in order. Here are some of the puzzle pieces:

Goals to meet:
Before moving to live on my own, I need to have accomplished this list:
All debts paid off, except maybe the car loan
The car fixed so it's safe and in good running condition
At least 10 students to tutor every week
$2,000 in the bank as just in case money

Income:
My main income will be tutoring. Beyond that, I'll be making a little money where I can including
Freelance writing, especially on Elance
Money-making apps. Someone posted a list of these on Facebook. I'll post it tomorrow.
Swagbucks, Mypoints.com, and Inboxdollars.com

My health and my desire to stay home with my daughter as much as possible are preventing me from finding a traditional job. I want to raise my daughter, not day care, not a friend, and not a relative. That is my dream, and thankfully, God is showing a way. Tutoring is something I enjoy, and yet it also brings good money. I can envision my life, and I like what I see. If anyone has ideas for how to find a students to tutor, please email me or leave a comment below. As always, thank you for your prayers.

Intended custody arrangements

If you have not read yesterday's post, you really should. It's an amazing turn of events! I stated yesterday that the lawyer cleared up some misconceptions and I now believe my husband and I can come to agreement on things. This may be confusing to those who are avidly following my blog, because I stated my misconceptions as facts in an earlier post. Rather than telling you about my previous misconceptions, I'll just launch into the proper understanding. The intended custody arrangements are joint legal custody and I get full physical custody.

Physical custody is who she lives with. Typically, the person she lives with is also the caretaker of the child. This means that if I am awarded complete physical custody of my child, I make all the decisions regarding her care. It will ultimately be my job to provide for her, make decisions for her, and be her parent.

Joint legal custody means that both parties will weigh in on decisions for my daughter, but the final decision lies with the one awarded the caretaker of the child. Actually, this is a huge relief to me. I was so overwhelmed with how to make all the decisions by myself.

An example in this scenario is if her father decided she should learn to play 5 instruments by the time she was 7, he could ask me. I would likely think that's too aggressive, so how about she choose one instrument. If we could not reach an agreement, I would get to make the final decision. This is a great power, and with it comes great responsibility. Please pray for wisdom.

He has been asking for joint legal custody this whole time, and if I had known what it was, I would have gladly given it to him. I called him yesterday to tell him that I was ok with joint legal custody. He said he thinks he's ok with that, but he's not sure. This scenario is not in place until all the papers are signed. Please pray that he signs the papers and awards me sole custody. With everything he's done, I truly cannot trust him with her.

Above all, I am most concerned with my daughter's safety. Please pray with me that her safety will be ensured! Please pray that she will never have to experience the grief of being assaulted by her dad. Please pray that I will get the funds to get this custody arrangement started. I need $2,500. If you feel that you can help, that would be a tremendous blessing, no matter how small the gift. Whether you are praying or sharing funds, I thank you so much for everything you're doing! Together, we can keep my daughter safe.

The Right Lawyer-- Moving Forward!!

I found my lawyer! She is committed to keeping my daughter safe, and she has a plan for how to do so! She explained some things to me, and corrected some misconceptions. I now believe my husband and I can come to an agreement and have an uncontested divorce! I am so relieved!

So here's the plan: we file for an uncontested divorce with my terms in it. The important one being that I get custody of my little girl. If he fights that point, it will certainly become a contested divorce, so pray that he gives me custody as he said he would. Because custody of my daughter will be requested to be awarded to me, if he ever does come and take her while the divorce is on-going, he won't get far. I can take the case to the court, and prove that before he took her, I was already concerned for her safety and had filed for custody.

So... then there is the issue of the six months waiting period. I am down to 5 months wait, but that's still 5 months away. She actually may have found a way around it! She is going to file for divorce, and then keep stalling it until the 6 months waiting period is over. She said it might get dismissed right away, but there's always a chance it goes through. It just depends on the judge. So, please pray that the right judge reviews the case.

She did say that if this case becomes contested, it's unlikely that the judge will grant any visitation rights. She said that most judges say that if a person needs supervised visitation, then they shouldn't have any visitation at all. She went on to say that he just sounds like a perpetrator. While he has done horrible things, I don't want to punish my daughter by not letting her know her dad. Please, again pray that this is uncontested. A contested divorce would mean going before a judge, which would almost certainly mean she would not know her dad at all.

The lawyer can get this started as soon as I give her a retainer of $2,500. I have applied for a credit card, but truly don't feel that being in debt is the way to start being a single mother. I am praying that God provides. Please pray with me and consider making a donation towards my daughter's safety.

My life explained-- the here and now

I received an outpouring of love yesterday! Two emails offering encouragement, prayer, and offers of assistance, lots of page views here, and promises of prayer posted on a Facebook page. I cannot thank you enough. On that Facebook page, there was some confusion regarding my current situation. I hope to clear that up. As always, feel free to email me at 4mychildbyhisgrace.blogspot.com. However you choose to contact me, I will always view your questions as a loving request to help you pray for me better. I'll never turn you away.

First question: Did she get full custody of her daughter?
Unfortunately, I'm at a stand-still in the divorce. I'll explain that at the end, but I can't be awarded custody until I can file for divorce. I'm at a scary time of just waiting. My least favorite 4 letter word: wait!

Second question: Is this the same person you posted about awhile ago...the one whose husband was having sexual problems? Just want to pray more specifically!
First of all, thank you so very much for your prayers! The fact that you even asked that tells me that you've been praying all along, and that just warms my heart! And yes, it's still me. :)

I do have a prayer requests tab, and within that are current prayer requests that will also help you see where I am in this whole mucky mess. http://4mychildbyhisgrace.blogspot.com/p/prayer-requests.html

As of right now, I cannot move forward with the divorce. My husband told me on Christmas that he was tempted to rape my sister. On December 26th, I was on a plane headed to my family. Unfortunately, I had no family in state, and after his earlier comments about my daughter, I had to get her out of there! I'll call the state my husband is in state A and my mom's state is state B. That should help clear up some confusion.

I left state A in a rush and flurry of emotions. I came to state B intending to file for a divorce right away, but I need to be a resident of state B for 6 months first and it will be insanely expensive. I considered returning to state A, especially given the fact that I would be granted free legal assistance, but state A requires in-state counseling. I would do it, but my husband will likely need to move from state A in a few months, so state A isn't possible until I know where he is living. Once he is settled, I can go to whichever state he is in to file a divorce. Until then, I'm stuck waiting.

I do have my daughter with me, and that is huge! I get to laugh with her, deal with her teething, cure her diaper rashes, and love her to pieces! I so want complete custody of her, but I am so afraid that it just won't happen. I wrote a post about that. You can read it here: http://4mychildbyhisgrace.blogspot.com/2013/01/praying-for-custody.html

If any of you do ever have any questions, don't hesitate to ask. I so appreciate your prayers! Thank you all so much!

P.S. My sister is going to court today for the restraining order. Please do keep her in your prayers as well.

Praying for custody

The prayer for custody for my child is the hardest one for me to pray. This is also the hardest post for me to write. My heart freezes in fear as I think about the possibility of the court awarding joint custody. I think I have alluded to enough throughout the blog to help my readers understand why that would be the worst thing for my daughter. It just can't happen.

I fear that perhaps some of you skip over praying for custody, because you feel it's obvious that the court would decide in my favor. One of my readers thought of me as she was looking around on line, and sent me this link: http://smacarr.blogspot.com/. It seems that the court does not always do what is logical or what is best for the child. As I said, my heart freezes in fear.

Perhaps some of you would say that God would never allow that to happen. God is good! I know that. I also know that horrible things happen every day. Victims of child abuse, rape, and murder can attest to that. I do know that prayers are powerful! Please pray that God will spare my child from a painful young life. Actually, I have specifics you can pray for, if you don't mind.

Prayers for
My heart to be calmed
Me to find the right lawyer
Us to obtain concrete evidence
Us to stand before the right judge
God to lead in the whole situation
Me to be awarded complete custody

I don't know how I could lose custody, except that we live in a fallen world. Your prayers could mean the difference between her safety and her lifetime of pain. Thank you for your prayers! I do so deeply appreciate it!

Just Me

My least favorite 4 letter word: wait

Good evening!

I mentioned on Monday that I met with an attorney, but I didn't tell you much about it, because with everything else, it would have ended up being an impossibly long post. I'm trying to keep these easily read and digested.

The attorney said that getting divorced in my original state is not a good idea at this point, because we're not sure if my husband will end up being able to stay in that state. The state laws require mandatory counseling, and if I get divorced there, and he leaves, then I'm stuck trying to figure out what, if anything, can be done.

The local laws dictate that I have to have lived in this state for at least 6 months before I can file for a divorce, and it would be insanely expensive.

There is a third possibility... if my husband does move to another state, I could potentially get a divorce there at that point. Or, of course, if he stays in that original state, I could go back there and get free legal representation, so I would only be out $250.

SO many unknowns! The only thing I do know about this situation is that my daughter and I are happily out of that situation for the time being. :) And, of course, I know for a fact that God is looking out for us!

In fact, as I left the attorney's office thinking about compromise. The attorney said that if we could come to an agreement, it would "only" cost $2,000. My child's father is only looking to get joint legal custody. It means that if I have an untimely death, she gets raised by him. I can't let that happen! Those of you who know the situation know why. Those who don't, I throw you a bone: When she was 2 months old, he was saying how surprised he was that she already had so much breast definition. After his history, this scared me to death, and things happened later that sent me running for her safety. And here I am.

Anyway, I digress. I left the attorney, thinking that I would compromise. The radio came on as I turned the key in the ignition, and a sermon about waiting on God poured into the car. The preacher said that God gives us point A and we want to run and think about everything else, but God doesn't give us points B,C,D,E, F, and following. He gives us point A, and then he directs when He is ready for us to step towards B, He directs at that time.

So, I am standing at A and waiting...

Overwhelmed, and it's a good thing!

Did you ever do something just to make things simpler, and it exploded beyond any potential you thought possible? Around 12 hours ago, I began this blog just to share updates and request lots of prayer. I knew, of course, that there were those who would be interested in praying and many who were trying hard to keep updated by watching for updates on a Facebook page. I was just trying to make it simple. I had humble motives.

I logged on just curious about how many people had seen my blog, figuring that maybe a third were praying for me. I was blown away as I saw "Page views: 108." Assuming that my theory of a third is true, that means that 36 people are praying for myself, my daughter, and for a safe future. I feel like celebrating! Thank you all, by the way, for making the page views an easy number to divide by three.

I do want to add a couple updates. I have been told to remain with my mom until it is deemed safe to return. Possibly around a month. I have also been told that it may be possible to get a divorce from my current state. Pray that it is so. In my original state, you need to go through counseling and have a period of separation before a divorce is granted. I applaud them for taking steps to save marriages! However, I just want this nightmare to be over. I want to hold my baby girl and know she is safe for the rest of her life! "Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but when the desire comes, it is a tree of life." (Prov. 13:12) I want that tree of life!

Unfortunately, there may be problems with getting a divorce here. The papery green kind of problem. In my original state, I was given free legal aid because of the situation. Locally, I do not know if this is possible. If it is not, then my only option is to return to get a divorce. In a case like this, I really do wish that green stuff grew on trees!

A commenter mentioned that I should start an anonymous email so people could contact me. I assure you that it's already been done: 4mychildbyhisgrace@gmail.com. If I send an email to you, it will say I'm Rebecca Paige. I'm not. I actually rather like "Just Me," but google said it's not considered a name. (Imagine that!) Therefore, my blog will be Just Me, and I will sign the emails as Just Me, but the email will say it's from Rebecca Paige. I hope that's not too confusing!

Please do keep up with the prayer requests on the right. That is, after all, my entire purpose of writing this blog. :)

Thank you all for the support and encouragement I am already receiving! It has been amazing to me to see God bless through this whole ordeal! I wish I could share everything He's working out, but that gets into personal things I don't know that I'll ever be able to share. Just know that I serve an amazing and true living God! He loves me, cares for me, and is evidently taking care of me every step of the way! I am trying to rest in His guiding care, but I keep looking at the waves. He is an incredible Father!!! Praise be to the God who leads, cares, and keeps me and my daughter safe! May my heart never wander in the confidence of His protection!