Determined

I've been away. There are reasons... excuses, really. I've felt overwhelmed with certain aspects, and I didn't want to be depressing. I was also throwing a pity party, and feeling somewhat alone. Finally, I was really missing my husband, and finding myself considering returning, despite the horrible history. I've read that it's normal for people in abusive situations to want to return. I've never understood that. Even now, I'm at a loss. Why would I seriously consider going back to a man that I left for my safety, and more importantly, for my daughter's safety!? The good thing is that whenever I thought of my daughter, I would decide all over again that I must keep her safe. And that requires distance.

I'm a perfectionist in a very bad sense. If I cannot accomplish something perfectly, then I don't feel that I should do it at all. That means, of course, that very few people actually know I'm a perfectionist, because there are so many unfinished projects that I put aside because of a few mistakes. This blog could have been one of those unfinished projects, but for people helping me realize that it's bigger than me.

A stranger left a comment thanking me for writing such a "nice and informative blog." I mulled over that for a while. I don't know that I really considered it informative except for the facts of my life. But as I look over the pages, I realize that maybe I'm reaching more people than I realized. Another stranger emailed me and told me that she found my story heartwarming, and shared some personal struggles along with some encouragement. That's when I knew that I couldn't just quit. This isn't a cross-stitch project that won't matter if it's completed or not. This is me affecting people beyond my regular influence. This is my story of struggle, hope, humility, faith, and even desperation reaching out and touching people, helping them realize that they are not alone.

I am determined to not allow my lazy perfectionism get the best of me! Rather, I am determined to pursue this blog until... well, I don't know when. Until I have no more readers, maybe? But at the very least, I won't quit now! May you find a blessing here, and if you do, consider reaching out to me. It's a real encouragement!